SAHM vs. Working moms

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I had no idea what SAHM was until only a couple of weeks ago.  I was watching a talk show about stay at home moms and working moms.  I had no idea some people felt so strongly against one or the other!  SAHM means Stay at home moms, if you haven't figured that yet :) 


So after watching that, I started thinking.  Why are we women fighting each other on which choice is 'better'?  Why are we so critical towards one another instead of uniting together to support each other in our unique challenges and triumphs?


I am a SAHM now, I suppose.  But I work from home through Sandy's Sweets too and before that I was working part time from home while Samuel was a baby.  So, what does that make me?  Was I right at one point and wrong at another?


Perhaps part of the issue lies in that most if not all of us mothers, SAHMs or not, deal with feelings of inadequacy, judgment and guilt.  Whether we admit it openly or deal with these battles of the heart quietly, I think most of us, if not all, deal with these battles at some point.  


Yes, I have had critical thoughts of both SAHMs and Working Moms.  I had moments when I was envious of unique situations other moms were in.  I had compared myself with other moms.  


But if I am truthful to myself I think each of these critical moments were simply manifestations of some much deeper issues I had.  


No, I don't think there is a 'right' or 'wrong' way to 'mother' our children.  I really don't think there is a 'best' way.  When I became a mother, a new strand was added into my DNA, and it took me a while to figure out what that meant, and how to continue living with the same joy and purpose in my life, as I've had before becoming a mother.


I have been a SAHM for 5 years now (well, at least by the popular definition).  People that met me after I became a mother cannot seem to imagine me as anything else but a mother.  People that knew me as a single career woman cannot imagine me staying at home with 2 toddlers now.


So, what happened to me?


God used Motherhood to draw me Closer to Him - as a SATM and as a Working Mom...and all the in-betweens.  It didn't happen overnight...but it is happening.


We've gotten it all wrong - the point is NOT to figure out if Stay-at-home is better than working outside the home.  The point is whether I remember that I have true freedom in Christ, as a SATM or Working Mom.  My highest calling is NOT to be a mother.  My highest calling is to Love God, to Worship Him, and to Pursue Him with all my heart.
"Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength" - Deut 6:5
When this is my pursuit in life things are put into perspective and then, my Father tells me:
  • It is OK for me to feel guilty sometimes, but know that Father has freed me up from all guilt and shame. "So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1
  • It is OK for me to feel lost sometimes, but these are opportunities the Father gives me to go back to His presence and Know that He is Lord over my life.  I don't need to be perfect.  I can lean on Him.  "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3:5-6 
  • It is OK for me to feel inadequate sometimes, because these are moments where He reminds me to lean and rest on Him.  His grace is all I need.  “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me."  2 Cor 12:9, "And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others." 2 Cor 2:9 
 ...but in anything, no matter what 'moment' I'm going through, as a SAHM or Working Mom, it is NOT OK for me to feel unloved and unworthy.  “I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself."  Jer 31:3


God Affirms my womanhood
God Affirms my motherhood
God Affirms my skills and talents

And God Affirms my very existence here on earth and has given me a Purpose...as a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend....as a human being.


"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."  Romans 8:28

Comments

Aimee Esparaz said…
A great post & great thoughts, Sandy! I guess you would be called a "work-from-home mom"... much like myself. I think that as long as our choices as mothers (whether to stay home or to work) reflect the desire to please God in how He wants us to raise our children {and not from selfish motives}, then we've made the right choice.
February 01, 2012
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