Easter Reflections: Mourning
I wasn't supposed to write anything today, but my mind keeps on wandering to what happened between the time Jesus dies and the time the women find that He is no longer dead.
Today, my mom reminded me also that tomorrow, resurrection Sunday, happens to be the Chinese festival of Tomb sweeping.
And today, I see that the covid-19 numbers continue to climb and the ICU's continue to see more and more people.
It is easy to miss on all of this, but as I bring these to my consciousness, I actually see a lot of mourning, pain and death.
The disciples just got the shock of their lives and I wondered if they are still in shock, a day after Jesus truly is dead. Joseph of Arimathea truly took Jesus' body down and with Nicodemus, they embalm Jesus and they truly bury him.
I have seen death in my life (see previous blog posts on death: Facing Death, So this is love too, Head on, among others [search: death]) and I wonder if the disciples are still in shock. Just a day ago they were eating with Jesus. Just a week ago, people had welcomed Him into Jerusalem. Just a day ago, they had said to Jesus they would never abandon Him.
Now? He was dead, and they were in hiding.
Where is hope when all seems lost?
Do we care about hope and life when we have not lost anything, or do not realize what we have and how easily it can be lost?
In the loss, we often want a fix, but what is there to pray for if Jesus is dead? Would they have gone through all the experiences they've had with him and find themselves in an existential crisis?
Heartbroken
Wanting something to make sense
Finding only fear and confusion
Life becomes detached and meaningless
S-I-L-E-N-C-E
And yet, I guess that is part of what is needed. To live, we ought to die. To see, we ought to experience darkness. To be courageous, we ought to be in danger. To hope, we out to have lost.
From their perspective, today must have been a miserable day. Today, their minds and hearts might have taken them to so many 'what ifs'
They might see Jesus' robe, or sandal or something he used to own and the ache will be deeper than they had imagined
They might wonder and as the Bible mentions so often - I wonder if Peter "remembered" what Jesus had predicted about his death and resurrection
But how?
Our minds cannot truly comprehend what is to come.
Today, is a day to mournToday, is a day to count all that was lostToday, is a day to reflect on what we have taken for grantedToday, is to live and remember what life is like without Jesus
And from that pain, a yearning grows. A yearning that leads to seeing. Seeing leads to repentance. Repentance leads to truly hearing and remembering.
And then, right now what I cannot understand, I will. In His Perfect Time
But today, it is my job not to jump to Sunday. In mourning and learning to mourn, that I will truly understand the hope of His Salvation
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