10 Things I have learned while serving

In 2011 our family decided it was time for me to step up to God's call to serve in our church leadership in the capacity of missions deacon.  This decision was not an easy one.  In fact, I had been struggling with this for over two years.  Every year, as the church asked me to consider, I would bail out and say I just wasn't ready or didn't have time ("Can't they get it that I'm a busy stay at home mom?").  But last year was different.  We knew it was time to step out in faith.

Here are 10 things I've learned in 2011 while serving at Scarborough Community Alliance Church:

1.  Compartmentalizing God.  As I prayed about whether our family could make this commitment, I found myself looking at my calendar.  How much time do I have left at the end of every day?  Would I be able to handle the commitment?  I realized that I had put God in a box - I figured I could serve only if I had 'extra' time.  Instead, God was asking me to step out in faith in 2011 - to put action into my words.  He said: "Anything short of sacrifice I do not want".  If I had it all sorted out before making the decision to step in, that would not be the kind of service He wanted from me.

2.  Connectedness.  Our entire family ventured into this and in returned we received a greater sense of connectedness with our church community.  Before 2011, 90% of the people we knew were people just like us:  parents with small kids.  Because of the missions ministry, we now have connected closely with around six people that we would not have connected with at a deeper level.  My kids know these people as we hold meetings at my house.  In addition to this core, I just simply feel much more connected to others in the church as we started taking steps to actually know people:  who they are, what their stories were, what their likes and dislikes are....

3.  Community.  In Exiles:  Living missionally in a post-Christian culture, Michael Frost argues that "If you focus on community formation solely, you almost never get to any mission [...] [w]hen we get our thinking right about Jesus, he propels us into mission - that is, into the service of others, a cause greater than ourselves.  Knowing that cause, that mission, and together with others, embracing the challenges involved naturally lead to communitas"  -- Our Missions Team has become a true community for me.  We didn't get together because we had the same personalities, backgrounds or are going through the same life stages.  We are here because we have the same passion and goal.  And in the process of figuring out how to pursue that goal true meaningful community is happening!

4.  Care.  This year has opened my eyes to the needs in the church, in the community surrounding it, and by extension, it has helped me understand the needs in the global church.  The knowledge has led me fall on my knees - to ask for forgiveness for not caring enough because I was so focused on what the church could do (or was not doing) to meet my needs.  It has also given me a renewed fire to pray with a prayer that is based on understanding and love, not out of a sense of guilt or obligation.

5.  Christ-centered relationship.  Being in leadership has been challenging and has changed the rhythm in my family ... but I believe for the better.  No one said following Christ was going to be easy or comfortable.  Many people have shared their concerns that I might become yet another statistic of a 'burned out' servant in the church.  Yet this year I have felt more alive spiritually - and by extension physically and emotionally - in years!  Yes, I have been frustrated.  Yes, at times I asked the Lord why bother.  I have felt vulnerable.  But especially at those low moments I have felt the Lord's hand upholding us as a family.  He has showed me His heart in ways I have never experienced before.  Being in leadership has caused me to seek Him more and more.

6.  Commitment - or the lack of.  Simply put, because I was now in leadership, I felt I had to be a more active participant.  I know I would have skipped so many events (I always had a good reason for not being able to help out or attend) otherwise.  I am not suggesting only those in leadership are fully committed.  But for me, God knew I needed this little 'push' to continue tasting His goodness.

7.  Confirmation of spiritual gifts.  The amazing thing about God is that He is a Dynamic God.  He isn't a boring God.  I used to think teaching was my top spiritual gift.  This year the Lord has showed how He has given me other spiritual gifts, as they are needed to build His people right now.  It is a humbling experience and a great encouragement to see God granting you the gifts you need as you serve Him.

8.  Leadership isn't scary.  I still remember the first time I joint the Leadership Team's meeting.  I was nervous and scared of the unknown.  I felt so inadequate.  But what I have learned in the process is that leadership isn't scary.  God is looking for servants, not perfect CEOs.  He is not looking at prior work experience, but a willingness to be moulded and used for His glory.  He doesn't want people that knows how to 'fix' and 'lead' people to the right path - He wants people willing to accept His perfect love, and to pass that to others.  He is looking for people willing to be vulnerable and true so that others may see God working in their brokenness.  Leadership might have been a daunting thought at first, and joining the Leadership Team was a bit intimidating at first. But I have learned to enjoy the fellowship that happens during these meetings and what true community really means.

9.  My own weaknesses.  Serving as a missions deacon has been very humbling.  God has used this year of service to discipline me too.  I must continue to admit to my own sins and weaknesses:  my sense of self-righteousness, the times when I do not speak in love, moments when my thoughts become critical and words are not building people up, etc.  God has used this year of ministry to humble me -- the more I serve and look beyond my own needs, the more I realize I need God.

10.  Passion for the Call.  It has also been so encouraging to see God develop a deeper sense of passion in my life for what He is passionate about.  Living life with a spiritual focus and passion has been such an amazing thing.

Serving as a missions deacon in the church leadership team has humbled me, opened my spiritual eyes, encouraged me, provided me with a sense of community and most importantly, it has brought me closer to God's heart.

I may have started 2011 with a sense of being able to help meet some of the church's needs.  I finished the year it was never about how much I could help, but how much I could receive once I was willing to submit to the Lord's guidance.