Needs vs. Wants

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Lately I have been thinking a lot about the way I have been living out my life.  I have to admit, I have been living a much more consumer driven lifestyle.  I find it almost comical sometimes how God teaches me lessons, or flashes a warning sign in front of my eyes....

Several months ago Samuel came home after church with a craft item (yes, more crafts!) - but this time it caught my eyes.  It was a 'needs' vs. 'wants' craft.  The teacher asked the students to stick magazine cliparts on either one of 2 columns:  needs or wants.  My son glued some pictures of pizzas, peas, robots and toy cars on the sheet.

As I looked at that and discussed what Samuel did and 'check' to see if he really got the lesson (after all, we mothers need to follow up right?) - I felt increasingly uncomfortable inside me.  Yes, I want my kids to learn the true value in life.  Yes, I believe this is how God wants us to conduct our decisions in life....but No, this is NOT how I have been living!!!

I had heard sermons on this topic and gone to Bible Study groups that discussed the topic for years.  But it didn't hit me until this year -- God was using my own kids to reveal to me how I had compartmentalized Him.  And what is worse yet, I had given myself 'spiritual' and logical reasons for my decisions.

...I want what is best for my kids:  God wants me to take care of them
...If I don't take care of my home, how can I serve God?  I need to make sure my house is in order first
...I am a faithful giver already; I give to the church, to God's projects, to the poor
...God knows my heart - I just can't do it all.  Right now I just don't have time for more

etc, etc, etc....

Don't get me wrong.  Some of the above things are not wrong per se.  Where I feel I had gone 'wrong' is that in my case, I knew I could give more, or simply that I was lazy and didn't want to care more.  I was giving the left overs to God.  I was serving God IF I had extra time, IF I felt the rest of my life was in order, IF I had extra cash after all my expenses were paid (including all my wants!!!).

I realized that there were so few things left in my life that were examples of living a life of faith, of trusting truly that God was sovereign over everything, that truly He was the provider.

I started monitoring the way I spend my money, for example.  And I realized several things:

- I bought anything I felt my kids would 'need'
- Though I would hesitate, I would buy any piece of clothing item for myself (if it fit)
- I felt good when there was money in my bank account

I also noticed something:

- I felt 'pain' when I wrote cheques for God's work.  I knew I 'had to' to do it - but if I was honest to myself, I knew there was a part of me that felt pain

- I always PRAYED before giving to anything 'extra':  special missions projects, special charities.  I wanted to know 'if God really wanted me to give to these agencies in need of financial support'

...so then I asked myself:  why do I feel I need to ask God to give me wisdom to know whether I need to give financially towards missions, but I never ask God if I should plan that cruise trip with the kids?  Why do I always pray and ask God to tell me how much out out of our income should go into the offering bag every month but never bother to ask Him how much we should spend on Christmas gifts for the kids?  Why do I feel I have given 'enough' to God but seldom feel the same about giving to my kids?

Realizing how I am living my life was refreshing, almost liberating.  But it doesn't come easy.  But the good news:  God doesn't 'need' my money.  He desires my heart.  He desires a true worshiper, a true daughter that gives with LOVE, the same way I give with love to my kids and my friends...but now to Him.   I continue to learn this lesson - by just simply making small changes in some of the small decisions in my daily life...

Mark 12:43-44 — “Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, ‘I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.’ ”
Mark 10:21 — “Jesus looked at him and loved him. ‘One thing you lack,’ he said. ‘Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.’ ” 
How about you?  What are your needs and wants?  Do you ever think about what I am struggling with?


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