Reflections on Racism

Racism.

Ugly word.

As a Canadian, we say we reject any form of racism.  But can we really reject it, fight it and champion the disenfranted, minority and powerless all together?

Can we speak up to it if we do not know what it is, what it sounds like, what it looks it?

There has been a lot of talk lately in my circle of friends about this topic.  Sadly, at least one piece of news came 'too close to home' - someone attacking people of Asian descent in our neighbourhood.

Racism has caught our attention. 

But, are we recognizing it because the crime involved a physical attack?  
What if there was no physical attack? 
 Would we be as shaken and concerned?

I am not belittling the case, nor am I happy or calm -- there is nothing calming and ok about this, but I think posting that "this is not OK" is not going to do anything to change the underlying issues with racism.

Stereotypes, Prejudices, Discrimination and Racism

Racism is a prejudice, discrimination or just belief against someone based on their race or ethnic group, because the belief is that one race or ethnic group is better than the other.

Read. that. again.

We have stereotypes.  We all do.  We label groups of people.  We categorize them to make sense of our worlds.  And sometimes (perhaps more often than we want to admit) we label them based on race or ethnicity. Stereotypes are cognitive.  We do not see it, nor do we hear it.  Not all stereotypes are bad or harmful.

When given air the breathe, and when surrounded by the ideal conditions, stereotypes grow and mature to be prejudices.  Prejudices are affective.  We notice them when we feel.  We notice them when we say to people "your attitude isn't that great."  Prejudices give stereotypes ammunition to continue growing.  Not all prejudices are negative and not all prejudices are harmful.

And as it grows, prejudices begin to find strength, and develop legs to stand, walk and run.  They become bold and daring.  They act.  Discrimination is then behavioural.  We show our stereotypes and prejudices and we, well, live them out loud for the world to see, consciously or unconsciously.  I cannot think of any healthy discrimination instances.

Do you see where we are going? 

Racism is when the discrimination is not just in the act, in the thought and in the feeling, but when the bias is based solely on your racial or ethnic affinity.  It disregards and disrespects you as an individual, a living and breathing unique individual.

Recognizing Racism isn't 'plain and simple'

It is easy to believe that a multicultural society would experience less or 'no' racism because we "see" people from other countries all the time.  But perhaps part of the problem comes in that we are assuming "seeing" people on the TTC, or in school or work and in the food court as "living side by side" and engaging in this societal experiment called LIFE together.

Yes, racism has been in Canada all along.  I have experienced it.  I have lived it.  And part of the reason I recognized it was because I have experienced it in Peru - a more overt form of racism - before.

I had training.

In Peru, my parents grilled me and trained me from young to realize "honey, you don't belong and you never will belong"  They explained to me that my skin colour and the shape of my eyes will always mean I am different.  To some of you, this might sound horrible.  To a Canadian this might sound atrocious, but bear with me.  For a moment, just listen and hear me out.

I am glad my parents taught me this.  I am glad my parents spoke truth and helped me see.  I am glad I saw discrimination based on gender and race in action and had role models who showed me what "fight back" and "defend yourself" look like.

And in a way, I am glad I had practice.

I don't think we can assume we all can recognize racism when it happens.  In a way, our strength is our weakness.

I realized this during our family trip to the East Coast.  So many people say islanders are nice (and they are) and hospitable, right?  But when we were there, though we met lovely people and engaged in wonderful conversations, we also at more than one time, felt 'uneasy' and uncomfortable.  The looks, the gaze, the tilt of the head, the body language and the language and tone used.

But I was out of practice.  Here in the outskirts of Toronto, surrounded by people of my own ethnicity, I have began to settle in a bubble of my own.

So I asked my husband if it was just me overthinking.  Alas, he shared he felt the same way.

Still, being the Canadians we are, we gave people the benefit of the doubt- perhaps we were misreading them.

Until one night.  We went to a restaurant (had great reviews!) and it was busy.  There were people waiting.  I went in with my kids behind me and my husband in the end.  First alarm bell?  The waitress saw me, we made eye contact, and then she proceeded to ignore me.

I stood there waiting, thinking "she's busy" but was uncomfortable by the fact that she never even acknowledged seeing us or signalled for us to wait.

Then a white tall male customer comes in and I can feel him approaching to the front where I was.  As he proceeded to line up behind me, the waitress runs towards us and speaks to him -- yes, to him, and takes his number of guests and then speaks to me -- but in an entirely different tone. A few other interactions happened after that but suffice to say it confirmed what we were thinking (and yes, the white male customer got a seat before us).

My husband and I had seen and experienced enough. Don't get me wrong, I spoke up, but what was done was done.

We each took one of our kids' hands and left and went to the next door restaurant.  The kids were baffled.  "Mom, she told us to wait - we might get a seat."

That was when I realized what my husband and I identified so clearly, was completely missed by my Canadian-born kids.  We explained what happened to them, and I could tell they were trying to make sense of it.

Let me explain it again - when you first experience discrimination and racism, you feel like you might have done something to cause it.  As a minority, you know the 'rules' and they do not side on your side.  You try to reason through it.  You have been taught not to shake things up too much (because they seldom turn to your advantage). 

But no matter how much you try to reason it, racism has only one reason: you look different and therefore deserve different.

When you finally face it, the reality hurts.  The reality frazzles you.  And when you try to explain it, those on the other side also fail to see it - so you end up more segregated, burned and hurt.

What now?

I am upset about the news on the increase of overt racism coming close to my home, but I have to, no, WE have to recognize that we are upset not just because of the racism, but because it was a violent act.  Take away the violent act, and we might just be telling people to walk away from 'those people'

So, no, I don't have solutions.  Yes, I am upset.  But I also am numb, and I also feel helpless.

What I do know is this - start a conversation with your kids, who might have been privileged and blessed like mine to not notice colour or race for a long time, or who might think they know but assume the majority of the world sees the world like them.  Share with them your heartbreaking stories, or the stories of your ancestors.  I think many of us have those stories.  Share the 'bad' or shameful stories, if your family comes from a more privileged race historically.

Open up space for everyone to consider we ALL stereotype, label, have prejudices and may even discriminate based on race.

Just consider the possibility of it.

Just consider what being born with your ethnicity entitled you to be, say, do and how you can act.

I cannot change much but I can start with myself.  Do we carry dangerous and unhealthy and potentially disastrous racial stereotypes that can be growing and feeding to become prejudices and discrimination?  Is it ok if it is not violent or we do not act on them?  How can we change that?

If you feel you are on the victim side...is it possible we also victimize, label, and discriminate even those 'lower' in the totem pole?  

We change society one by one 

- starting with ourselves.  

Speak up?  Not so easy

It is easy for us if we are on the other side of the fence to say to victims, speak up!  But speaking up is not easy.  If it was not easy for you to speak up when you were bullied in school or at work, how much harder do you think it would be to report a racial slur or crime?  Should we speak up?  Definitely.  But in our effort, let's remember to just go alongside each other so that the person knows they are not alone; because what they are speaking up against, is also what they are fighting for - for you. And they are fighting more than a case, but an entire system.

And if we truly will fight racism, be there for the long run.  Right now there may be a lot of noise; but how many of us will revert back to our huddles, and comfort zones whent he dust settles or some other issue catches our attention or, dare I say, our fear?

Be committed to listen.  Be committed to never say "I never discriminate" and always be reflective.  Identify areas where you have been biased and cave into fears based on race.  And be nice to yourself, but also demand from self - "I gotta continue changing"

Write a new chapter

What does "fighting against racism" look like in your daily life?  What is the end goal?

Perhaps the point is not to toss an old book and re-write the entire story; to aim to do so is to be oblivious of the reality.  But to keep on reading the same book, ignoring the undertones, the message and what it is condoning or condemning is also as bad.

Perhaps the point is to accept the story that has been lived and told already but to unsurfaced to the light the undertones that were hidden (but still there) so that we can write a new chapter.  We cannot control what has been, but we can write a new chapter.  We cannot write a new chapter, ignoring the past but we do have control over how we write the future.

*** Read my other post on the topic:  I see colour