Covid19 - Stuck together
In our case, the first week things escalated in our city happened to coincide with our kids' March Break. Our original plan was to do nothing since we had just had a big trip to South America the first week of January, before the breakout outside China, so things did not change a lot for us that first week. Then the government escalated things and overnight I could feel the tension grow, especially when it was announced that the break would 'extend' by 2 weeks. I also knew, having followed the news out of Asia from January onward, that it was highly probable that officials had announced 'two' weeks, not because they knew they would need 14 more days, but because announcing a month or two months isolation would break the system and cause panic.
I also noticed this was, in some way, not uncharted territory: I have been in this position before - after I gave birth to my first born, I was practically in self-isolation (with a baby) for months. So while there was some familiarity and even comfort in this (hey, there is no baby to feed anymore!), why did I start getting itchy feet to get out, close my bedroom door and put on my headphones or connect with people outside the house?
Then I realized the difference: I was now cooped up (though I'd argue I am hardly 'cooped up' in the true sense of the world in my privileged suburban home) WITH PEOPLE who are not babies.
As I tried to digest all the news, I started wondering how I would adjust and prepare for the upcoming months together. How could I manage to stay SANE in the same house as my husband and 2 kids??? I was dreading already all the screaming, frustration and perhaps even fights. I did not want to regret any actions but I feared it would come.
Now, before you praise me for my organizational skills, please remember. I NEED order and predictability in my life. I am coming to terms with something new in me: this might be something I am actually WIRED to be - (more on that on another day). WITHOUT predictability, everything seem to FALL and BREAK. So I was simply trying to PREDICT and PLAN to FACE the current situation instead of REACTING to it and just taking it 'one day at a time'
Here are some things I observed as I foresee being STUCK together and as I muster some courage to do the 4th "F" - FACE I shared at the end of my last post.
1) Netflix and YouTube may have ENDLESS content, but my kids were beginning to feel bored with just YouTube and/or were running out of Netflix content to watch. I also started noticing by Week 1's end that I, a lover of news, was getting tired of all the endless cycle of news.
Just because there was a lot to watch, did not mean I actually was enjoying it, nor my kids. There was a lot of "clicking here and there".
2) You can only sleep in so much. Though I loved the idea of not needing to wake up early, eventually, my body would wake earlier, to my frustration. I would try to sleep in longer, but couldn't really. By week 2-3, I also noticed, being the one who still sleeps in in the house, that my days seem to be cut short by a lot if I slept in and went to bed late. Worse, I was beginning to feel MORE TIRED than awake by sleeping in.
3) Life was getting boring. Though I loved not having to 'work' (my husband continued to work), my life was becoming a monotonous and boring: wake, shower, eat, wonder, eat, wonder, eat, watch something, sleep and do it all over again.
4) The introverts in my family were having a blast. It was nice to see that they could share that this type of living -- not having any social gatherings -- was giving them energy and they were loving it between each other. But I noticed that not having to meet with others did NOT mean for them not doing anything. They were still DOING a lot - just stuff that did not require too much talking or socializing with others.
5) At the same time, I found myself naturally wanting to find things to do. The contradiction was apparent to me: the aimless sleeping, eating and watching videos was wearing me down somehow, even though I did enjoy them. Something was amiss...a lack of purpose and achievement.
6) We still needed to define boundaries within the house. We had a few "collisions". I noticed that despite the 'freedom', we needed to DEFINE and GUARD and BALANCE our alone times with together-times. Failure to do so meant frustration, yelling or worse yet, tears and fights.
7) Living together - literally - requires THOUGHT, PLANNING and CREATIVITY. It's not natural. When we do not need to isolate, it is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that every minute we are physically together, that we are doing just that: being together. Together doesn't really mean BEING together.
8) One size does not fit all. Whereas I have needed to go out for fresh air and a walk every few days, my husband has been more than happy being inside. Whereas my son has needed to socialize and connect online with friends, my daughter has been more than happy socializing with fictional characters in books. Whereas I would be happy just eating leftovers, macaroni and cheese and casseroles, my husband felt the need to cook real meals every day. Whereas I started craving for rhythm, predictability and schedules, my husband finds them tedious, overzealous and authoritative. Conclusion - do not turn the means to an end, and figure out what the 'ends' really is.
There are moments every day when I would rather everyone in the house just go to their own rooms and 'let me be'. There are moments when I 'lose it' and then end up feeling guilty because somehow I feel I 'should' be thankful.
I also noticed this was, in some way, not uncharted territory: I have been in this position before - after I gave birth to my first born, I was practically in self-isolation (with a baby) for months. So while there was some familiarity and even comfort in this (hey, there is no baby to feed anymore!), why did I start getting itchy feet to get out, close my bedroom door and put on my headphones or connect with people outside the house?
Then I realized the difference: I was now cooped up (though I'd argue I am hardly 'cooped up' in the true sense of the world in my privileged suburban home) WITH PEOPLE who are not babies.
As I tried to digest all the news, I started wondering how I would adjust and prepare for the upcoming months together. How could I manage to stay SANE in the same house as my husband and 2 kids??? I was dreading already all the screaming, frustration and perhaps even fights. I did not want to regret any actions but I feared it would come.
Now, before you praise me for my organizational skills, please remember. I NEED order and predictability in my life. I am coming to terms with something new in me: this might be something I am actually WIRED to be - (more on that on another day). WITHOUT predictability, everything seem to FALL and BREAK. So I was simply trying to PREDICT and PLAN to FACE the current situation instead of REACTING to it and just taking it 'one day at a time'
Here are some things I observed as I foresee being STUCK together and as I muster some courage to do the 4th "F" - FACE I shared at the end of my last post.
1) Netflix and YouTube may have ENDLESS content, but my kids were beginning to feel bored with just YouTube and/or were running out of Netflix content to watch. I also started noticing by Week 1's end that I, a lover of news, was getting tired of all the endless cycle of news.
Just because there was a lot to watch, did not mean I actually was enjoying it, nor my kids. There was a lot of "clicking here and there".
2) You can only sleep in so much. Though I loved the idea of not needing to wake up early, eventually, my body would wake earlier, to my frustration. I would try to sleep in longer, but couldn't really. By week 2-3, I also noticed, being the one who still sleeps in in the house, that my days seem to be cut short by a lot if I slept in and went to bed late. Worse, I was beginning to feel MORE TIRED than awake by sleeping in.
3) Life was getting boring. Though I loved not having to 'work' (my husband continued to work), my life was becoming a monotonous and boring: wake, shower, eat, wonder, eat, wonder, eat, watch something, sleep and do it all over again.
4) The introverts in my family were having a blast. It was nice to see that they could share that this type of living -- not having any social gatherings -- was giving them energy and they were loving it between each other. But I noticed that not having to meet with others did NOT mean for them not doing anything. They were still DOING a lot - just stuff that did not require too much talking or socializing with others.
5) At the same time, I found myself naturally wanting to find things to do. The contradiction was apparent to me: the aimless sleeping, eating and watching videos was wearing me down somehow, even though I did enjoy them. Something was amiss...a lack of purpose and achievement.
6) We still needed to define boundaries within the house. We had a few "collisions". I noticed that despite the 'freedom', we needed to DEFINE and GUARD and BALANCE our alone times with together-times. Failure to do so meant frustration, yelling or worse yet, tears and fights.
7) Living together - literally - requires THOUGHT, PLANNING and CREATIVITY. It's not natural. When we do not need to isolate, it is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that every minute we are physically together, that we are doing just that: being together. Together doesn't really mean BEING together.
8) One size does not fit all. Whereas I have needed to go out for fresh air and a walk every few days, my husband has been more than happy being inside. Whereas my son has needed to socialize and connect online with friends, my daughter has been more than happy socializing with fictional characters in books. Whereas I would be happy just eating leftovers, macaroni and cheese and casseroles, my husband felt the need to cook real meals every day. Whereas I started craving for rhythm, predictability and schedules, my husband finds them tedious, overzealous and authoritative. Conclusion - do not turn the means to an end, and figure out what the 'ends' really is.
Being stuck together does come with it some advantages and I do recognize I am in a privileged position - but let's be real here; it is not all great. I do not wake up every morning feeling rejuvenated and thankful for being able to "spend more time" with my family.
There are moments every day when I would rather everyone in the house just go to their own rooms and 'let me be'. There are moments when I 'lose it' and then end up feeling guilty because somehow I feel I 'should' be thankful.
There are moments every day when I think - "working outside the house would be nice" or "seeing other people other than these 2 kids might be interesting", or just simply "I'd love to eat some junk fast food with a friend".
What have you observed about yourself in the last 3 weeks? What have you noticed about those who live with you?
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