The Report Card

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Am I a "tiger mom"?  Did I 'inherit' the 'tiger-ness' from my Asian heritage?

Did you know that the phrase is actually in dictionaries?  According to the Macmillan Dictionary:

tiger mother also US tiger mom

noun [countable]
a very strict mother who makes her children work particularly hard and restricts their free time so that they continually achieve the highest grades


So..am I or am I not?

I am afraid there is some 'tigerness' in me that quite honestly, I would like to get rid of.

I had an inkling this was a predisposition I had.  After all, I grew up being told things such as:

- "Even though you placed best in your class, that doesn't mean anything because you are not studying in the best school, in the best country in the world"

- "Parties?  Those are a waste of time.  Focus on school"

- "For Summer Vacations, you will be reading Robinson Crusoe"

....

I got insight into this topic when my Grade 1 son came home with his first Progress Report.  To my surprised (and horror, I may add),  I was disappointed at what I read.  In everything except one thing he scored 'Average'.  The only other subject was "Above Average"

What was wrong with me?  I was horrified at my own inner thoughts and reactions!!!

The first thought that crossed my mind was not how proud I was of him, or how glad and even relieved I was that he was doing well in school.  I was shocked that deep inside me, hidden from the public and one could argue hidden from myself even, I was not willing to accept anything other than 'Above Average'.  The only question I had was "why didn't he have more 'above averages'???

Why in the world was I not happy that my son was 'average'?

The truth is, a part of me wants my kids to be the best in EVERYTHING they do.   It is also true that I dislike every time I am told my kids need to 'work on' certain things because part of me interprets it as "they are not perfect/smart/good enough".  The truth also is that I want the best for them, but sometimes this 'best' is clouded and I lose my perspective and I let PERFORMANCE define what is best in a person's life.  And alas, the truth also is that I succumb to the temptation of comparing my kids' performance with other parent's kids.  I admit it.  It is too tempting to compare my kids with other kids - the competitive part in me kicks in full gear and it makes me feel good when I see/hear that my kids are 'ahead' of other kids.

...and believe me, there is a difference between being proud of our kids for working hard for something, and being proud simply because they are better than others.

Of course there needs to be a balance - this is not a license for my kids to stop trying to learn in school.  I do believe in hard work and in education, but for a mother with dispositions like me, I need to also learn to be careful I not let performance drive me and my mothering.

So here are my conclusions:

- I must learn to celebrate 'average-ness'
- I must make an effort to look beyond performance - this does not come 'naturally' to me!
- I need to stop comparing ... Period.
- And in the midst of learning to be a better person and mother during this season in my life, I must also take it easy.  This is not the end of the world.  These feelings are real, and yes, they might not be the 'best' (my competitiveness again!) but I have a feeling that I'm right where I'm supposed to be in life simply by the fact that I am admitting to what is going on

...isn't life all about learning anyways?



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