7 things no one told me about breastfeeding
**Disclaimer: if you are not comfortable with the topic, do not read on...you might find my directness a bit too frank for your liking...!!!
A while ago I read there was such a thing as Breastfeeding Awareness Day. And that got me thinking about my own experience breastfeeding my 2 kids, now 4 and almost 6 respectively. I tried to breastfeed them both, exclusively. But I highlight the word "TRIED" because along the way I encountered bumps, potholes and downright valleys that no one ever told me about. At points I felt as if I had been part of a major car accident!
This blog entry isn't about the beauty of breastfeeding, or the great advantages of choosing to breastfeed. We have all heard those...haven't we? We have heard how it is healthy for the child, for the bond relationship between mother and child, the convenience, etc. etc.
Don't get me wrong. I STILL BELIEVE IN BREASTFEEDING...but a reality check.
Here are some things no one ever told me about breastfeeding:
1. AU UN-NATURAL? I went to classes about breastfeeding. I read books about it. I even saw the city's best lactation advisor/doctor.
But nothing about breastfeeding felt 'natural' to me. In addition to hurting where one might imagine, my neck and shoulders were sore all the time. Especially with my son, it was a fight to get him to drink milk every time. It was like mommy and baby had a wrestling match every time feeding time was supposed to happen. All the possible 'positions' on how best to make both of us comfortable felt foreign and unnatural. The pillows didn't really help that much. And the more people around me gave me 'suggestions' the more exasperated I became.
What part of this process was supposed to feel natural again?
But again, with my second child, ONCE the first difficult phase was over, I did find there was something like an instinctive draw to it. Mind you, you have to be able to get through the first big bump first in order to enjoy it. Once there, I admit, I LOVED IT. But with my son, we both never got there.
2. The Physical PAIN. All I had heard before I had my son was that breastfeeding would hurt 'just a little' in the beginning. But no one told me about the endless types of creams out in the market BECAUSE it DOES HURT, for some of us at least. No one told me about the bleeding that can happen in the first few weeks. In the end, for my son, I ended up having to get a prescribed special ointment to keep me sane from the pain.
No one ever prepared me for the raw physical pain that comes from breastfeeding. Yes, it hurts and it is far from the calm, serene pictures of mothers breastfeeding and babies calmly being fed at the breast.
Think about it - your breasts have never been used this way and this frequently EVER. Why wouldn't it hurt??? 'Professionals' kept on telling me to focus on the LATCH cause they say when the baby latches well then it would not hurt. Well, true (when they did latch by-the-book it didn't hurt), but since when has life been perfect? Even a good feeding child does not latch perfectly every time! And considering at the beginning you are feeding every 1-3 hours, there is potential for a lot of pain!
And what about the gorging? Thank God for pumps....to help release some of that pain!
But again, the pain does subside after your "friends" get used to the constant attention...but...remember, you have to survive the original pain first!
3. The GUILT. I never developed a 'bond' with my son. Every feeding time was met with tears and struggles. I was fighting a mild case of post-partum depression too. I had been developing this illusion that breastfeeding was going to be a calm, serene, and peaceful event in my new life as a breastfeeding mom. That I was choosing what was best for him. And the fact that I felt no bond and instead just felt obligation to feed filled me with tremendous guilt in the first 3 months of my life as a new mother.
In the end, I finally accepted the reality that I was going to be a much better mother for my son if we stopped trying. There is no shame in that. But I had to get there myself. I had some pride I had to get rid of too. No one could convince me. And once I accepted that I started learning to enjoy parenting (it still took me over 1 year!).
What did I do after the first 3 months? I pumped. I pumped and pumped 24/7 and froze more and more breast milk till my freezer was full of little Gerber bags.
4. The Costs. They always say it costs nothing to breastfeed. But no one told me about all the pads and bras I'd need to get. The pillows I might need especially at first, to support baby and my shoulders. The creams for my sore you-know-where. The pumps and the storage bags.
Yes, the milk is free....but to be invested in the process....it is not all free!!!
Having said that, I cannot imagine how much work it is to have a formula fed baby. I see it in the malls and with some friends. The bottles, hot water, etc. you need to carry with you. Once breastfeeding was a part of life (with my daughter), it was just a matter of going to a corner and just feeding...5-10 minutes and we were done!
5. The Embarrassment. This was the least of my issues but I've seen many friends deal with this. We are lucky to be in a country that encourages breastfeeding, where malls have nursing stations, people understand (the majority at least) breastfeeding and where saying 'breastmilk' doesn't get you in trouble because it is taboo to say 'breast' in public.
BUT, having said that, it did take me some time to get used to the fact that your breasts are no longer private (especially in the hospital but at home too). You have to get used to realizing that when you have that cute little polka dot blanket cover yourself and baby in public, some sick people might be thinking about your breast. You also have to get used to the fact that at some point you might be 'dripping' because you are late to feed your baby and the breast pads you bought were no good and now you have one of your "friends" (if not both!) dripping with breast milk!!!
Ah...but parenting makes you strong and these embarrassments soon become moments where you are able to just smile, chuckle and move on....
6. Slave Yes, with all the conveniences, breastfeeding exclusively meant for me that I was with my child 24/7. And dare I say it, I resented it for a while. At most you are able to go out for 1-2 hours because...well, you are the milking cow. The baby needs YOU, not just the milk. Some smart mommies are able to feed breast milk through the bottles. Kudos to them. My kids and I just never could. So yes, dare I say it...I had moments when I envied all the bottle feeding parents.
7. The Consultant. I didn't know there were lactation consultants out there when I first became a parent. With my second daughter, I tried, but this time I hired a lactation consultant from the get-go. I was very afraid I would not only 'fail' but that we would have an aweful time. The consultant was more there for moral support than anything else since I had learned everything there was to learn about breastfeeding with my son. The first 2 weeks were still sore, hard and frustrating. But she got me through those hard weeks and kept on believing in us. So after the 2 weeks, I experienced what some lucky mothers experience from the start: all the bonding, freedom and cash savings that comes from breastfeeding...in addition to the health benefits of course!
**********
I hope you don't think I'm opposed to breastfeeding. I am not! I had a terrible experience with my first born, but had an amazing experience with my second baby. Neither one, however, happened naturally. It took time to get used to it. And for one child it 'worked' while for the other some might say the attempts 'failed'. But my point here is this:
In the end, I still believe breast is best. But ONLY if mommy stays happy too!!! There is no point in forcing the issue if you are miserable. When you are miserable, your baby is miserable, and your husband will be miserable and helpless.
One mother. Two children. Two very different breastfeeding experiences.
This blog entry isn't about the beauty of breastfeeding, or the great advantages of choosing to breastfeed. We have all heard those...haven't we? We have heard how it is healthy for the child, for the bond relationship between mother and child, the convenience, etc. etc.
Don't get me wrong. I STILL BELIEVE IN BREASTFEEDING...but a reality check.
Here are some things no one ever told me about breastfeeding:
1. AU UN-NATURAL? I went to classes about breastfeeding. I read books about it. I even saw the city's best lactation advisor/doctor.
But nothing about breastfeeding felt 'natural' to me. In addition to hurting where one might imagine, my neck and shoulders were sore all the time. Especially with my son, it was a fight to get him to drink milk every time. It was like mommy and baby had a wrestling match every time feeding time was supposed to happen. All the possible 'positions' on how best to make both of us comfortable felt foreign and unnatural. The pillows didn't really help that much. And the more people around me gave me 'suggestions' the more exasperated I became.
What part of this process was supposed to feel natural again?
But again, with my second child, ONCE the first difficult phase was over, I did find there was something like an instinctive draw to it. Mind you, you have to be able to get through the first big bump first in order to enjoy it. Once there, I admit, I LOVED IT. But with my son, we both never got there.
2. The Physical PAIN. All I had heard before I had my son was that breastfeeding would hurt 'just a little' in the beginning. But no one told me about the endless types of creams out in the market BECAUSE it DOES HURT, for some of us at least. No one told me about the bleeding that can happen in the first few weeks. In the end, for my son, I ended up having to get a prescribed special ointment to keep me sane from the pain.
No one ever prepared me for the raw physical pain that comes from breastfeeding. Yes, it hurts and it is far from the calm, serene pictures of mothers breastfeeding and babies calmly being fed at the breast.
Think about it - your breasts have never been used this way and this frequently EVER. Why wouldn't it hurt??? 'Professionals' kept on telling me to focus on the LATCH cause they say when the baby latches well then it would not hurt. Well, true (when they did latch by-the-book it didn't hurt), but since when has life been perfect? Even a good feeding child does not latch perfectly every time! And considering at the beginning you are feeding every 1-3 hours, there is potential for a lot of pain!
And what about the gorging? Thank God for pumps....to help release some of that pain!
But again, the pain does subside after your "friends" get used to the constant attention...but...remember, you have to survive the original pain first!
3. The GUILT. I never developed a 'bond' with my son. Every feeding time was met with tears and struggles. I was fighting a mild case of post-partum depression too. I had been developing this illusion that breastfeeding was going to be a calm, serene, and peaceful event in my new life as a breastfeeding mom. That I was choosing what was best for him. And the fact that I felt no bond and instead just felt obligation to feed filled me with tremendous guilt in the first 3 months of my life as a new mother.
In the end, I finally accepted the reality that I was going to be a much better mother for my son if we stopped trying. There is no shame in that. But I had to get there myself. I had some pride I had to get rid of too. No one could convince me. And once I accepted that I started learning to enjoy parenting (it still took me over 1 year!).
What did I do after the first 3 months? I pumped. I pumped and pumped 24/7 and froze more and more breast milk till my freezer was full of little Gerber bags.
4. The Costs. They always say it costs nothing to breastfeed. But no one told me about all the pads and bras I'd need to get. The pillows I might need especially at first, to support baby and my shoulders. The creams for my sore you-know-where. The pumps and the storage bags.
Yes, the milk is free....but to be invested in the process....it is not all free!!!
Having said that, I cannot imagine how much work it is to have a formula fed baby. I see it in the malls and with some friends. The bottles, hot water, etc. you need to carry with you. Once breastfeeding was a part of life (with my daughter), it was just a matter of going to a corner and just feeding...5-10 minutes and we were done!
5. The Embarrassment. This was the least of my issues but I've seen many friends deal with this. We are lucky to be in a country that encourages breastfeeding, where malls have nursing stations, people understand (the majority at least) breastfeeding and where saying 'breastmilk' doesn't get you in trouble because it is taboo to say 'breast' in public.
BUT, having said that, it did take me some time to get used to the fact that your breasts are no longer private (especially in the hospital but at home too). You have to get used to realizing that when you have that cute little polka dot blanket cover yourself and baby in public, some sick people might be thinking about your breast. You also have to get used to the fact that at some point you might be 'dripping' because you are late to feed your baby and the breast pads you bought were no good and now you have one of your "friends" (if not both!) dripping with breast milk!!!
Ah...but parenting makes you strong and these embarrassments soon become moments where you are able to just smile, chuckle and move on....
6. Slave Yes, with all the conveniences, breastfeeding exclusively meant for me that I was with my child 24/7. And dare I say it, I resented it for a while. At most you are able to go out for 1-2 hours because...well, you are the milking cow. The baby needs YOU, not just the milk. Some smart mommies are able to feed breast milk through the bottles. Kudos to them. My kids and I just never could. So yes, dare I say it...I had moments when I envied all the bottle feeding parents.
7. The Consultant. I didn't know there were lactation consultants out there when I first became a parent. With my second daughter, I tried, but this time I hired a lactation consultant from the get-go. I was very afraid I would not only 'fail' but that we would have an aweful time. The consultant was more there for moral support than anything else since I had learned everything there was to learn about breastfeeding with my son. The first 2 weeks were still sore, hard and frustrating. But she got me through those hard weeks and kept on believing in us. So after the 2 weeks, I experienced what some lucky mothers experience from the start: all the bonding, freedom and cash savings that comes from breastfeeding...in addition to the health benefits of course!
**********
I hope you don't think I'm opposed to breastfeeding. I am not! I had a terrible experience with my first born, but had an amazing experience with my second baby. Neither one, however, happened naturally. It took time to get used to it. And for one child it 'worked' while for the other some might say the attempts 'failed'. But my point here is this:
Don't put too much pressure on yourself IF you are breastfeeding and things do NOT seem to go as well as you THINK.
Most people simply don't tell you how the hard days were.
In the end, I still believe breast is best. But ONLY if mommy stays happy too!!! There is no point in forcing the issue if you are miserable. When you are miserable, your baby is miserable, and your husband will be miserable and helpless.
One mother. Two children. Two very different breastfeeding experiences.
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