It's embarrassing

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Are you a good listener?

I mean, do you REALLY know what the other person is really telling you when they talk to you?  Are you able to read "in between the lines"?

I learned that I have a long way to go in the life lesson of being a person that LISTENS well and effectively this week.

The kids had been practicing a song that they were going to share with our church congregation on Sunday but a couple of weeks ago one of my kids' teachers told me one of them didn't want to sing and was grumpy during rehearsals.

BEFORE listening to my kids' version, I jumped into conclusions.

After all, I told myself, this isn't the first time my kid didn't like to sing.

I didn't even bother letting my kid talk.   I just jumped straight to

"You know you should be singing, right?  ...... "

The poor kid answered:  "It is embarrassing"

 Again, this isn't the first time my kid had said this.

Have you ever felt disappointed at someone?  Let me tell you a secret.  Moms don't always feel pride...we feel a slew of other emotions that perhaps many do not share openly for fear of being judged or because the culture has created a false image of what a mother ought to feel for their kids.

 Pride was not it....I panicked (is my kid 'drifting' from God?), I was frustrated (again!?), I was embarrassed, I was impatient (when will you get over this) and probably more.

I proceeded to lecture my kid and to give him textbook answers (I didn't realize it at the time):  "you don't have to be perfect", "God just wants you to sing to Him", "You don't always have to love everything you do" and then I thought I did the most amazing forward thinking thing:   
I told him I'd give him a choice but that I wanted him to understand my thoughts too.

What I Completely missed was that my kid was trying to
- Slow me down
- Get me to listen
- Find words to describe his feelings
- Figure out a way to share without waking up mommy's rage (well, not rage, but you get the point)


The night before the singing, my kid comes to me and tries to get me to listen again

In thinking back, I'm ashamed to say that he acted more mature than me at that moment.  He tried to communicate even when experience had shown him I obviously wasn't getting his message.

And finally I heard

He told me it was 'embarrassing' because he didn't know the words of the song or the actions

Alarm bells go in my head:  Sandy, you have not been hearing...His embarrassment isn't what you have been thinking!

So this time I really listened.

- I put down my computer and phone
- I looked at my kid in the eye
- I put aside the fact that it was bedtime and they should be in bed
- I put aside the fact that I wanted a quiet evening and was tired
- I TOUCHED my kid

And we had a CONVERSATION.  I realized that his "It's embarrassing" had less to do with him being selfish, or picky, or moody and more to do with the fact that he wanted to do it but felt couldn't do it well enough.

I realized that instead of seeing that he could be 'hiding' from the group of singers he felt the stress of being amongst a group of people who seemed to be more prepared than him and even though he KNEW he was worshipping he couldn't get to the worship part...he was stuck in the 'I don't know the song" part

I listened....and felt ashamed that I had really not listened this week.

I listened....and felt so thankful that I was learning this lesson today.

I listened...and rejoiced at the moment - witnessing to beauty  as my kid and I learned to further relate to each other and support each other.

And so I asked what we could, I could, help him to feel 'less embarrassed' so that at least he could think about whether he could join the group without the stress of feeling inadequate

And we decided to practice the song line by line

And then the other sibling joined and helped out --- and I noticed another beautiful moment.  A snapshot in time I will cherish forever

And then my kid tells me:  "Mom, I think I can go and sing with the group tomorrow.  I will just sing"

And the next morning we practiced one more time...and my kids both did it.

They might not be aware but they:

- Prepared together - that is devotion
- Sang together - that is community
- Shared truth to others - that is witness
- Sang to God - that is worship

And as I listened to them...only two things came to mind - I was proud of them, and thankful to God for the lesson I learned and the snapshots I added to my memory bank.
And I heard God reminding me:  Sandy, THIS IS JOY and FREEDOM.  To live with it, you will see your deficiencies, but you will also witness much transformation, beauty and joy.




And just when I thought the lessons were complete, God reminds me it is a journey.

We come home and we talked about the experience.

And my kid says, "I'm glad I did but but I wasn't very good at it"

And I am reminded....that is exactly where God wants us to be....because when we are weak, He is strong!

That will be a lesson for next week.


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