A Conversation with God

Lately I have faced sad news about people close and far who have passed suddenly (hit and run), who have received devastating news of diseases, who are fighting mental health issues and much much more.

As I ponder over all these, I find myself going back to thoughts of my life when my family was going through life-and-death situations.

And am wondering and asking God... what do I need to hear today from you?

As a leader in the church I serve, I asked the Lord...what do I need to know, hear, do as your servant?

My heart is heavy.  My thoughts go to not just the people who have battling for life, the Lord takes me to people in my church who, as witnesses and bystandards, are asking God the proverbial question:

WHY GOD?  WHY?

And as it often happens, the burden and heaviness turns into literal physical tiredness.  By 7 PM I told my husband I wanted to go to bed.

I woke at 2AM last night, suddenly.  And I knew.  It was time for a CHAT with God.

When we go through these situations, we often confine ourselves to prayers of supplication.  We want God to CHANGE things.  We struggle with our belief that God is good and fair, and yet we perceive what we are experiencing and uncharacteristic of the God we preach.  And we often seclude ourselves into our closet.

And yet, I have come to understand that part of the process is exactly that, request.  But before that, there is the need to reflect and feel and understand the storm inside us.

We need to give permission to ourselves to wrestle, question, wonder.

We need to create an environment to voice out our thoughts and feelings.

Some of us will cry and weep out loud, others will experience what it means to mourn in your heart.  Some of us will yell and scream and punch.  Others will become mutes, unable to say anything because of the shock.  But whatever it may be...we need to remember there is a time and place for this.

And we need to remember:  GOD is right here to do all that with us

"And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. 27 And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers[a] in harmony with God’s own will."  Romans 8:26-27

As we do this in prayer, God speaks and we listen, and the transformation and peace that HE and He alone grants begins a miracle in us...AS WE ENGAGE with Him....and our prayers for HEALING become align with who He really is and we become much more aware of where we are at, what He desires for us (and our loved ones) and what we ought to carry out in the days forward.

So, it's 2AM last night and I decided to pour myself in His WORD - HUNGRY TO HEAR FROM HIM

I've mixed some of the verses I read and turned them into my prayer.  Perhaps it will give you encouragement and words into your own groans today.  I trust God's word itself is Powerful enough.  Hebrews 12:1 says "For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires."  

(these verses were taken from Psalm 62 to Psalm 91 and Psalm 103, 2 Cor 12:9 and Matthew 11:28-29)

O God, listen to my cry!

Hear my prayer!

From the ends of the earth, I will cry to you for help

for my heart is overwhelmed

So many enemies against one man --

All of them trying to kill me

To them I'm just a broken down wall or a tottering fence

Save me O God

for the floodwaters are up to my neck

Deeper and deeper I sink

the floods overwhelm me

I'm exhausted from crying for help

My eyes are swollen from weeping

(You told me):  Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened 

and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke up on you and learn from me,

and you will find rest for your souls

I am suffering and in pain

Rescue me, O God, by your saving power

Bend down O Lord and hear my prayer

answer me for I need your help

Protect me for I am devoted to you

Save me for I serve you and trust you

I will call you whenever trouble strikes

and you will answer me

Look down and have mercy on me

Give strength to your servant

Send me a sign of your favor

for you O Lord help and comfort me

(You have said):  Do not be afraid of the tenors of the night

nor fear the dangers of the day

nor dread the plague that stalks in darkness

nor the disaster that strikes at midday

I wait quietly before (you), God

(I/We) lifting our hands to you in prayer

I lie thinking of you

meditating on you through the night

I think of how much you have helped me

Our lives are in His hands

Yet I still belong to you;

you are holding my right hand

You will keep on guarding me with your counsel

leading me to a glorious destiny

Whom have I in heaven but you?

I desire you more than anything on earth

My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak

but God remains the strength of my heart;

He is mine forever

Appoint your unfailing love and faithfulness

Then I will always sing praises to your name

I fulfill my vows day after day

I will honor you as long as I live

I will follow closely behind you 

Your strong right hand holds me securely

For you are my safe refuge

a fortress where my enemies cannot reach me

for my salvation comes from Him

for my hope is in Him

He alone is my rock and my salvation

God is our refuge

Power, O God, belongs to you

Unfailing love, O Lord, is yours

For you are great and perform great miracles

You alone are God

Look down and have mercy on me

Give strength to your servant

Send me a sign of your favour

For you O Lord help and comfort me

Faithfulness is your very character

You are the one who rules the oceans

When their waves rise in fearful storms,

you subdue them

everything in the world is yours

Teach me to make the most of our time

so that we may grow in wisdom

Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love

so we may sing for joy

let us see your miracles again

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness

so that Christ's power may rest on me

(You reminded me when I cried out to you)

My grace is sufficient for you

for my power is made perfect in weakness

I will give you back your health
    and heal your wounds,” says the Lord.

Praise the Lord, I tell myself;

with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name

Praise the Lord I tell myself;

and never forget the good things he does for me

He forgives all my sins
    and heals all my diseases.

He ransoms me from dealth and

surrounds me with love and tender mercies

But the love of the lord remains forever

with those who fear him

Praise the Lord, everythign he has created

everywhere in his kingdom

As for me -- I too will praise the Lord