When leading Hurts
Even in rather mundane day to day activities, it's easier for us to provide people with advice on anything from where the best restaurant and/or grocery store is or what road is best to avoid traffic, than to ask someone for that same information.
Whether we say it out loud or not, when we are helping the kids with homework, piano practice, encouraging them to not quit that skating lesson they find so hard, correcting bad behaviour, enforcing time-out or explaining why they have to be more polite, thankful, positive.....we do think "I know more than you. Mommy knows best."
Or, in the context of serving God....when we are leading a church team to do something, teaching Sunday School, leading a small group or Bible study, mentoring or counselling - if all we are doing is lead, lead and lead more....we unknowingly develop an "I know it, you don't" attitude.
The fact is...we don't know best...at least not all the time.
What I've discovered is that leading too much, for too long, can actually hurt us. When was the last time we were in a situation where we knew we had nothing to contribute but looked forward to learning and being challenged to be the learner? When was the last time we experienced the nerves and embarrassment of being told we had done something wrong and be taught the right way to do something? When did we learn a new skill, got information that caused us to drop what we thought was right before, or faced some experience that challenged us to think?
When was the last time we experienced the joy that comes from learning a new skill? When was the last time we received a 'lesson' from someone who knew more than us? When was the last time we felt energized just to be soaking in knowledge wisdom and experience from others?
I ask and expect my kids to have a thirst and hunger to learn all the time. I assume and expect they should be thankful that they have a mother who spends time to teach them. I get upset when they are defiant to my teachings.
Just as easily we do the same at church when we are leading too much for too long. We assume and expect people following us would be thankful and responsive to the leading all the time.
We have forgotten what it is like to be a follower/learner/pupil.
We have forgotten what it feels like to be the one who doesn't know.
Even in the context of being a volunteer at my kids' school, I often hear parents say they are hesitant to become more active because they are unsure how much they could contribute. We assume it is only worth investing time in activities where we can contribute/lead some way.
What would happen if one day I decided to approach my kids as the one needing to learn from them? What would happen if one day I decided to approach ministry at church with the sole purpose of learning? What would happen if one day we volunteered with the sole purpose to find out more and learn more?
With age and experience often (but not always) come wisdom. But let's beware. If all we are doing is leading, teaching and guiding and we do not purposely put ourselves in situations where we let go of the 'teacher' role in us, and take on the 'learner' role...if all we do is lead....I am afraid we will become less and less effective leaders/teachers/parents.
Pride seeps in. Self exhalation develops. We forget what it feels like to be a learner and to be led. And we become easily 'ticked' at those we are trying to lead!
We are all busy - but we MUST make time to be learners.
It is often said that to be a great leader you must first be follower. Let me recant that and say, to be a great leader you must also always be a great follower too.
Let's commit to always learn and be led as much as we should desire to share the experience and wisdom we gain with each day.
Don't let leading hurt you. Make sure you are always learning too. And don't fool yourself by saying you are learning because leading is teaching you so much. Yes, of course we learn (I'd hope so) when we lead, but if that is all the learning we do perhaps we are missing out on something else.
Place yourself in situations where you are not the one leading. Feel what it feels like to be the one led. Remember what it is like to be on the other side of the learning process.
A great leader is one who is also a great follower.
Lead and Follow...both...all the time.
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