Report Cards for Mom
It's the end of another school year and just like that, these two have completed Grade 4 and 6 respectively. Sometimes I still speak about them as if they were in Grades 1 and 3...It's as if I want the time to freeze now and the more I want it to slow down, the faster it seems to go.
I just read my kids' report cards. I've blogged about report cards before - it is always a moment where I find myself seeing deep in my heart.
Being the sentimentalist I am, I take criticism I read in my kids' report cards personally. I instantaneously take it as a critique on the kind of mom I've been - and where I've failed. And yet, as I sit and converse with God further, He questions me. Why don't I take my kids' accomplishments also personally? That is to say, why don't I give myself a pat on the shoulders when I see an A in their report cards?
OK God...you have a point
Indeed, this has been quite a year. My kids have accomplished much but it is easy to get side tracked and lose sight of the accomplishments. Most of their accomplishments; or what I notice at least, isn't graded. What am I proud of?
I'm proud of their tenacity - in the face of challenges, and despite wanting to quit, never quitting.
I am proud that they have empathy for people who went through bullying like them and for them standing up for them and praying for them.
I'm proud for them learning to wipe away tears and coming back and saying "I'm ok now...let's keep going"
I'm proud of them for admitting they are not very matured spiritually and for asking God to teach them more.
I'm proud of them for standing up for Christ despite friends laughing at their faith.
I'm proud of them for trying new activities, tasks and jobs
I'm proud of them for admitting, eventually, their pride, their desire to be number 1, their inability to respect other's opinions, their sins, their wants, and their laziness.
I'm proud of you for facing the death of a dear one with God and with your family - it's not easy to face death so young, but to see you listen to God through it...well, THAT gets noticed
I'm proud of you for admitting your fears and for asking for help to face them and for facing them despite being so scared
And...
I'm proud of you for accepting failure...I have much to learn about that from you too.
I've been disappointed too. Disappointed when they chose self vs others. When they got stuck in finding joy in being perfect. Disappointed when they won't listen and refuse to heed advice. I've been saddened when they seemed ignorant and/or uninterested in God and what He cares about and I've been disappointed when they choose the easy way rather than studying hard.
But no matter the good, the bad or the in betwee...
These things, God reminds me, is what CHARACTER is made of. Be patient. Press on.
How have I done this year as a mother? How would God grade me for EFFORT, COOPERATION, COLLABORATION, ORGANIZATION, INITIATIVE and such?
It's been hard to balance life....and to be honest, it's so hard to "be there" every day. But GRACE abounds, and God takes care of us when we fail. We as a family learn to FORGIVE each other. We learn from our selfish ways.
Yes, I am a mother but I have my selfish moments too.
I think I have still much to learn about motherhood but who isn't. I have learned this year to make choices to put the kids above money and career. I have learned to hug more, talk more and embrace the kids more as they grow. I've learned to begin the tricky task of "being there" but "giving them room to grow". I've learned to TRUST in God but not be weary in PRAYING for them.
And I'm learning not to just seek for an "A"; for the grade in itself is meaningless. I should know as a teacher.
The kids are growing -- and I'm growing older too. During this report card season, God reminds me to be grateful, to bestow upon myself grace, to place my pride and disappointment in the right places and to let go of anything that does not belong in me.
"Life is so tough" - one of my kids has confided in me this year. Yes, it is tough and it doesn't get easier...but how we face them and how much we forgive ourselves are just as important.
"I am a bad person when I dream" - yes, sometimes when we are stripped of our masks we see how sinful we are but if you can admit that, you are on the road to a special type of greatness
"I have no friends" - we all go through lonely times but during these times I've seen you truly mean your words when you pray to God.
"I am not good at anything" - guess what? Mom feels this way almost every day and yet God tells me I am perfect the way He created me and He takes offence if I disagree on His masterpiece...we don't have to be great in things...but we have to "be" there.
Yes, I COULD have done more...but what I did is what I could do. The secret, I'm discovering as I reflect, is to LIVE IN THE TODAY. To always desire to learn; to not miss a single beat of my heart. Don't be a zombie mom, Sandy. If I can live for the today, knowing God has my dreams and purpose and is concerned about getting us there, I will, we will, learn what it means to find JOY in all circumstance.
No, I don't think I'm being too hard on myself. God gives me my report card and I can see it now....I have a few "absences", and I scored high on some skills like organization but I could improve in my effort, collaboration and perhaps even initiative. I have met God's standards and expectations for me for this year in some areas, whereas in other areas God tells me - "This is my feedback but let's continue trying to learn this further until it sticks, ok? Don't beat yourself up, it takes time...but listen and take note"
Yes, Lord...Thank you for your feedback. I really appreciate it. I would be lost without it. Thank you for walking alongside me. Thank you for making me the best mother for my kids at this time; and thank you for helping me see my shortcomings. And thank you that I know you will transform me as you are transforming them. Help them; help me; help my family to be SUCCESSFUL in your eyes and to have the strength to not be sidelined by distractions.
I just read my kids' report cards. I've blogged about report cards before - it is always a moment where I find myself seeing deep in my heart.
Being the sentimentalist I am, I take criticism I read in my kids' report cards personally. I instantaneously take it as a critique on the kind of mom I've been - and where I've failed. And yet, as I sit and converse with God further, He questions me. Why don't I take my kids' accomplishments also personally? That is to say, why don't I give myself a pat on the shoulders when I see an A in their report cards?
OK God...you have a point
Indeed, this has been quite a year. My kids have accomplished much but it is easy to get side tracked and lose sight of the accomplishments. Most of their accomplishments; or what I notice at least, isn't graded. What am I proud of?
I'm proud of their tenacity - in the face of challenges, and despite wanting to quit, never quitting.
I am proud that they have empathy for people who went through bullying like them and for them standing up for them and praying for them.
I'm proud for them learning to wipe away tears and coming back and saying "I'm ok now...let's keep going"
I'm proud of them for admitting they are not very matured spiritually and for asking God to teach them more.
I'm proud of them for standing up for Christ despite friends laughing at their faith.
I'm proud of them for trying new activities, tasks and jobs
I'm proud of them for admitting, eventually, their pride, their desire to be number 1, their inability to respect other's opinions, their sins, their wants, and their laziness.
I'm proud of you for facing the death of a dear one with God and with your family - it's not easy to face death so young, but to see you listen to God through it...well, THAT gets noticed
I'm proud of you for admitting your fears and for asking for help to face them and for facing them despite being so scared
And...
I'm proud of you for accepting failure...I have much to learn about that from you too.
I've been disappointed too. Disappointed when they chose self vs others. When they got stuck in finding joy in being perfect. Disappointed when they won't listen and refuse to heed advice. I've been saddened when they seemed ignorant and/or uninterested in God and what He cares about and I've been disappointed when they choose the easy way rather than studying hard.
But no matter the good, the bad or the in betwee...
These things, God reminds me, is what CHARACTER is made of. Be patient. Press on.
How have I done this year as a mother? How would God grade me for EFFORT, COOPERATION, COLLABORATION, ORGANIZATION, INITIATIVE and such?
It's been hard to balance life....and to be honest, it's so hard to "be there" every day. But GRACE abounds, and God takes care of us when we fail. We as a family learn to FORGIVE each other. We learn from our selfish ways.
Yes, I am a mother but I have my selfish moments too.
I think I have still much to learn about motherhood but who isn't. I have learned this year to make choices to put the kids above money and career. I have learned to hug more, talk more and embrace the kids more as they grow. I've learned to begin the tricky task of "being there" but "giving them room to grow". I've learned to TRUST in God but not be weary in PRAYING for them.
And I'm learning not to just seek for an "A"; for the grade in itself is meaningless. I should know as a teacher.
The kids are growing -- and I'm growing older too. During this report card season, God reminds me to be grateful, to bestow upon myself grace, to place my pride and disappointment in the right places and to let go of anything that does not belong in me.
"Life is so tough" - one of my kids has confided in me this year. Yes, it is tough and it doesn't get easier...but how we face them and how much we forgive ourselves are just as important.
"I am a bad person when I dream" - yes, sometimes when we are stripped of our masks we see how sinful we are but if you can admit that, you are on the road to a special type of greatness
"I have no friends" - we all go through lonely times but during these times I've seen you truly mean your words when you pray to God.
"I am not good at anything" - guess what? Mom feels this way almost every day and yet God tells me I am perfect the way He created me and He takes offence if I disagree on His masterpiece...we don't have to be great in things...but we have to "be" there.
No, I don't think I'm being too hard on myself. God gives me my report card and I can see it now....I have a few "absences", and I scored high on some skills like organization but I could improve in my effort, collaboration and perhaps even initiative. I have met God's standards and expectations for me for this year in some areas, whereas in other areas God tells me - "This is my feedback but let's continue trying to learn this further until it sticks, ok? Don't beat yourself up, it takes time...but listen and take note"
Yes, Lord...Thank you for your feedback. I really appreciate it. I would be lost without it. Thank you for walking alongside me. Thank you for making me the best mother for my kids at this time; and thank you for helping me see my shortcomings. And thank you that I know you will transform me as you are transforming them. Help them; help me; help my family to be SUCCESSFUL in your eyes and to have the strength to not be sidelined by distractions.
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