I'm a dreamer

My kids are growing...and growing very fast.  All of a sudden, a decade has passed and whereas I began this journey counting, quite literally, the hours and days, now I'm finding myself wishing the clock would just slow down.

I just tucked my daughter to bed and I couldn't help it.  I snuggled with her.  I hugged her.  I wrapped myself around her and she around me.  And I whispered in her ear:  "you are growing so fast" as if saying it more will slow down the clock.

I smell her and try to glue it into my memory, part of me fearing I'll forget this some day.  I am taking note of how her features are changing.  I notice I am no longer needing to kneel down to speak to her eye to eye.

And I thank God we are still in the cuddly stage.  She hugs me back.  She runs to me when I come home.  She tells me "I miss you" and she says "I don't want to grow up either".  We can count how many nights we have spent away from the kids in all these years with one hand...and somehow, at this stage, this thought makes me feel like I have a treasure in my hands (I used to dread this thought!)

But time is clicking and I am beginning to feel the winds of change coming upon me.  And once again, I'm faced with uncertainty

Uncertainty and fear that I may not have done all I could have to guide and prepare the kids.

Uncertainty and fear to the realization that they are becoming their own little selves.

Uncertainty and fear that my kids have the potential to become another 'statistic'


And all over again I find myself hungry to 'prepare' for adolescence.  To understand more.  To figure out what we are 'going to do'

And then, God stops me.

Remember what happened last time you tried to face transition this way?

Yes, Lord, I was so proud I thought I could figure it all out.
Yes, Lord, I was fearful of 'messing it all up'
Yes, Lord, I tried to avoid, at all costs, being labelled 'that kind of mom'
....and it didn't work....

In the end, I learned to go to my Lord FIRST.

So, Lord, I am re-committing my kids to YOU.

Maybe, I should embrace being labeled "that kind of mom'

Because, you see, while many people have already started 'warning' me of the 'unavoidable realities of adolescents', the more people spoke, with good intentions and all, the more I felt God had bigger dreams for my kids and for me than to just survive adolescence.

Yes, they might one day avoid me when they are with their friends.  They might one day slam their bedroom doors at me.  They might one day worry me sick because they aren't home after midnight.  They might one day say the dreaded "I don't love you", "You are so mean", "You just don't get it".  They might one day question their faith, etc, etc, etc.

I am a dreamer...not a survivor

I am a dreamer because I believe God has all this amazing stuff He wants still to do with me and with my kids

I am a dreamer because I want my kids to know that their God loves them unconditionally, no matter the stage in life they are in, and that life is always...always...always better when we accept our faults, our sins and our inadequacies and surrender them to Him who is the only one able to transform, heal and comfort.

So yes, the teenage years will be here before I know it.  Life will change, yet again.  But my dream is that in between and throughout all the challenges, we will still hug, we will still look at each other in the eye, we will feel safe to cry together, we will not let anger and distrust creep into our family and we will continue to choose life, hope, joy, .... and God.

Because I believe God's dreams for them is much like the dreams He has for me.  He dreams for us to let Him change us so that we are,

• compassionate to the world around us
• hungry to learn truth
• know we belong to Him
• know life is meant to be lived for Him
• strong in the Lord

To get there, Lord willing, I will need to continue to have laser focus on the dream.  I will need to remember that it's not by my might but His.   There will be days when I'll need to let go of some actions, but never the dream.   I will be intentional and try my very best, with God's help, to guide, share and live life with my kids.  God will strengthen me to be courageous and to not settle with the status quo but to always seek God's wisdom.

And when challenges do surround me, I will hold onto that dream and faithfully entrust God with the kids...but I will not take on a defeated, static, sedentary and motionless posture.

He is with me ... all the way.

Though there is apprehension in me, kids, if one day you see this (and I do hope to share all these blogs with you), I hope you will know that God has an amazing dream for you...and that I am just so honored to have been and to continue to be part of it (sorry, you are stuck with me!)  And when I fix my eyes on that, I feel strengthened to face the next chapter with excitement and anticipation....because not only are there dreams for you...God has weaved His dreams for me with your life....

Never get lost in whatever stage in life you may find yourself in, are are preparing for.  Never lose sight of God.  We can prepare, but all the information, preparation, advice and knowledge of the world will not help us in the end.  Only God can shatter our fears and our worries and turn our lives into victorious chants of a bunch of dreamers who chose to seek and heed to their Creator's dreams for them.


A friend of mine posted this link after reading my blog.