On Connecting and Belonging
What's wrong?
"I feel disconnected."
I hear this too often, and lately, I've felt it. It is code for: "I'm lonely", "I'm not sure what I'm doing here", "Do people even care?", "Do people notice?"
We all want to belong. I believe we have been created to desire connectedness and to feel we fit somewhere.
Where we all go wrong, is that we always seem to have a propensity to look for something/someone/somewhere to connect to and belong to aside from the only answer: God.
For some reason, we can sing "God is my all in all" and "God is the only one that satisfies". While we sing these songs in church, at the same time, inside us, we could be grumbling and feeling 'let down' or left out by people in the church.
Although I do believe one of the roles of church is to embrace everyone and to ultimately LOVE (See 1Cor 12 and 13 in context), there is a danger in assessing the health of our local church based on solely how connected we feel or how much we belong to the church.
And in many ways, as a follower of Christ, assessing our spiritual health solely based on how connected we feel in community is not meant to be the full picture of what God has planned for us.
I've shared before about one of my worst soul-enemies: the fear of not belonging. I've craved connectedness and belonging since I was a child. Just the thought of the POSSIBILITY of not being lovely enough or deserving love is enough to paralyze me. Because this was a thirst I had that was so deep, I started associated how much I connected or belonged to a place, a group of people or a thing with Love.
I wrote part of this post months ago, but am retaking this. A few weeks ago I read it was BFF day (Best Friends). Many people were posting and encouraging others to post pictures of themselves with their best friends.
I started thinking - Who is my Best Friend? Do I have one?
I couldn't think of one...Ok, maybe one from when I was in High School.
But then realized....perhaps that's the problem. We are made to think that in order to feel satisfied, to be on track, to be on purpose, to be whole, that we need to find that special person, and that special church where all the pieces will fit. These people will get us, will help us, will encourage us to be better people. These places will be positive places where I can grow.
And when we find ourselves lacking...we feel something is amiss.
In a way I can see God, in His graciousness, has plot out a course for me ever since I said "yes" to Him. In my teens and twenties the longest I would stay in one single place was between 3 and 5 years. Just when I was beginning to feel I belonged; just when my hard work was beginning to pay off, God would for one reason or another, take me to another place where I would have to go back to square one (or so it seemed to me back then).
Today, I've lived in this city the longest, in all my 4 decades of life...but I don't feel I belong any more than when I lived in some cities for less than a year. I used to blame it on God for moving me so much. I can't blame Him now, can I? I've been in this city for over a decade.
I thought I was 'over' all this. That in my forties I had grown more mature and that I would not have to deal with such "childish" things.
And then I felt I'd come full circle. If best friend means someone whom I can go to to share life freely and who I know will be there to share with me....Someone who knows me well and who thinks of me...then I shouldn't look any further - my husband is my best friend. Period. It may not feel and look like what my culture has pictured best friends to be...but he is my BFF.
How about church? Our mission is not to belong and connect. It isn't even to love. It is to give glory to God. To be on mission. If you think of leaving church (because here in North America you do have that option! - it's a buffet here!) only because you are not connecting, or you don't see love, or you don't feel love displayed....pray, and listen to the Spirit and make sure you are leaving for the right reasons. If you love your church, pray and listen to the Spirit and make sure you are staying for the right reasons too.
When we fix our eyes on Him, all other things fade away. We become focused on the mission...and I believe connecting and belonging will simply become a by product! But 'connecting' and 'belonging' might not look like what you and I have in mind. Be ready for God to blow you away!
Persevere....Focus....it's not easy at first....and it's a lifelong journey....but it's worth it.
I still desire connecting and belonging. There are days I still pity myself for not having a BFF. And then I realized...for that one day I pity myself, I've had dozens of days when I felt connected with people and with God. I choose to Fix my Eyes on Jesus and to Let Him show me the way. I Choose to Let Him fix my twisted way of seeing what Church is and isn't. I Choose to Surrender to Him and Say...EVEN IF I never get a BFF...EVEN IF I never find a church where I fully belong to and connect to (according to my definition)....I will be OK with it for God is with me. God has shown me He truly satisfies this thirst in me that no relationship on earth (even that of my husband) can satisfy. He truly is my all in all....EVEN if...
"I feel disconnected."
I hear this too often, and lately, I've felt it. It is code for: "I'm lonely", "I'm not sure what I'm doing here", "Do people even care?", "Do people notice?"
We all want to belong. I believe we have been created to desire connectedness and to feel we fit somewhere.
Where we all go wrong, is that we always seem to have a propensity to look for something/someone/somewhere to connect to and belong to aside from the only answer: God.
For some reason, we can sing "God is my all in all" and "God is the only one that satisfies". While we sing these songs in church, at the same time, inside us, we could be grumbling and feeling 'let down' or left out by people in the church.
Although I do believe one of the roles of church is to embrace everyone and to ultimately LOVE (See 1Cor 12 and 13 in context), there is a danger in assessing the health of our local church based on solely how connected we feel or how much we belong to the church.
And in many ways, as a follower of Christ, assessing our spiritual health solely based on how connected we feel in community is not meant to be the full picture of what God has planned for us.
I've shared before about one of my worst soul-enemies: the fear of not belonging. I've craved connectedness and belonging since I was a child. Just the thought of the POSSIBILITY of not being lovely enough or deserving love is enough to paralyze me. Because this was a thirst I had that was so deep, I started associated how much I connected or belonged to a place, a group of people or a thing with Love.
I wrote part of this post months ago, but am retaking this. A few weeks ago I read it was BFF day (Best Friends). Many people were posting and encouraging others to post pictures of themselves with their best friends.
I started thinking - Who is my Best Friend? Do I have one?
I couldn't think of one...Ok, maybe one from when I was in High School.
But then realized....perhaps that's the problem. We are made to think that in order to feel satisfied, to be on track, to be on purpose, to be whole, that we need to find that special person, and that special church where all the pieces will fit. These people will get us, will help us, will encourage us to be better people. These places will be positive places where I can grow.
And when we find ourselves lacking...we feel something is amiss.
In a way I can see God, in His graciousness, has plot out a course for me ever since I said "yes" to Him. In my teens and twenties the longest I would stay in one single place was between 3 and 5 years. Just when I was beginning to feel I belonged; just when my hard work was beginning to pay off, God would for one reason or another, take me to another place where I would have to go back to square one (or so it seemed to me back then).
Today, I've lived in this city the longest, in all my 4 decades of life...but I don't feel I belong any more than when I lived in some cities for less than a year. I used to blame it on God for moving me so much. I can't blame Him now, can I? I've been in this city for over a decade.
I thought I was 'over' all this. That in my forties I had grown more mature and that I would not have to deal with such "childish" things.
And then I felt I'd come full circle. If best friend means someone whom I can go to to share life freely and who I know will be there to share with me....Someone who knows me well and who thinks of me...then I shouldn't look any further - my husband is my best friend. Period. It may not feel and look like what my culture has pictured best friends to be...but he is my BFF.
How about church? Our mission is not to belong and connect. It isn't even to love. It is to give glory to God. To be on mission. If you think of leaving church (because here in North America you do have that option! - it's a buffet here!) only because you are not connecting, or you don't see love, or you don't feel love displayed....pray, and listen to the Spirit and make sure you are leaving for the right reasons. If you love your church, pray and listen to the Spirit and make sure you are staying for the right reasons too.
When we fix our eyes on Him, all other things fade away. We become focused on the mission...and I believe connecting and belonging will simply become a by product! But 'connecting' and 'belonging' might not look like what you and I have in mind. Be ready for God to blow you away!
Persevere....Focus....it's not easy at first....and it's a lifelong journey....but it's worth it.
I still desire connecting and belonging. There are days I still pity myself for not having a BFF. And then I realized...for that one day I pity myself, I've had dozens of days when I felt connected with people and with God. I choose to Fix my Eyes on Jesus and to Let Him show me the way. I Choose to Let Him fix my twisted way of seeing what Church is and isn't. I Choose to Surrender to Him and Say...EVEN IF I never get a BFF...EVEN IF I never find a church where I fully belong to and connect to (according to my definition)....I will be OK with it for God is with me. God has shown me He truly satisfies this thirst in me that no relationship on earth (even that of my husband) can satisfy. He truly is my all in all....EVEN if...
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