How much do I love you...
I was raised Asian. This means that for much of my childhood I compared my parents' lack of affection to the affection I saw in my friends' parents. Growing up in South America just painfully highlighted the difference.
I often wondered why they didn't hug me more and didn't use the words "LOVE" in much about anything. Mind you, my parents were very affectionate compared to many other Asian parents I knew, but I was not satisfied.
I wanted to hear it.
And today, as I reflect on how I know dad loves me, it strikes me that, after all, my dad DID show me how much he loved me through the years.
It was not all about work, about providing for my needs and about sacrificing himself for our future.
There are three events in particular that have stayed closed to my heart.
1. I must have been 7 or 8 only and we were painting the apartment. The nice TV, shipped from Hong Kong, was moved to my bedroom for a while. I was told not to touch it. But curiosity won over and I touched the "ON" button. Nothing happened and I really thought it would be cool to watch TV in my bedroom so I plugged the TV. And then, something bad happened. I knew it was bad. I kept quiet for a while but truth can never be hidden. Eventually mom and dad found out and when mom found out, I discovered that the TV needed a HUGE box called a transformer in order for it to work. I had broken the TV.
I cried, and pleaded for forgiveness. I knew what the consequences would be.
All this time dad stood silent. He seemed sad, but didn't yell at me. I think his quietness made me feel even worse.
Then the unthinkable. He asked if I could change because he was taking me out to find the pieces to repair the TV.
Mom was speechless - well, not really - she asked dad why would I 'reward' me with an outing and not punish me.
I ended up spending a day with dad, a rare thing in those days. I ended up asking him to forgive me. He not only chose to forgive, he showed me how much he loved me regardless of what I do. What his actions taught me for the years to come was that there is nothing I could ever do, I could rest assured dad would always be there. I felt I didn't deserve the treatment he gave me...but I also accepted it and enjoyed spending that day with him.
How much does dad love me? He loves me so much he will love me even when I make countless mistakes.
2. Many years passed and I was spending the summer with my parents. Out of the blue dad invites me for lunch. My ASIAN parent asked me out on a daddy-daughter date. That was unheard of. I was actually so scared. I don't remember where we went but I remember clearly what he said to me. He told me not to worry about him and mom now that I was about to finish college. He told me they had saved enough money. He told me to not carry the weight of having to care for them.
How much does dad love me? He loves me so much he was willing to let me go - go free.
3. And finally, when I was finishing my Master's degree. One day I received a rare letter from my dad, one of only a handful in my life. I don't remember everything he said but I remember one thing clearly. I can still even picture his handwriting: "Sandy, I am so proud of you"
Every one of those words pierced into the deepest parts of my soul.
How much does dad love me? He loves me so much he is proud of me.
Dad, on this Father's Day I honor you.
Thank you for being patient with me and showing me what love was when you took me with you to fix the TV I had broken.
Thank you for taking the initiative to take me out and let me go - I know that though you are not wealthy in human terms, you said what you said so I would not have to carry the weight of caring for you. I know that you wanted me to go and reach my dreams.
Thank you for letting me know you notice me. That you see what I do. That you know me and you know how much I need to hear that you are proud of me.
Dad, I love you very much, and you taught me so much. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for listening to my grumbling when I had no maturity to see that all along you were loving me. Thank you for trusting in God to open my eyes to see what love truly is.
On this Father's Day I want you to know ...
I often wondered why they didn't hug me more and didn't use the words "LOVE" in much about anything. Mind you, my parents were very affectionate compared to many other Asian parents I knew, but I was not satisfied.
I wanted to hear it.
And today, as I reflect on how I know dad loves me, it strikes me that, after all, my dad DID show me how much he loved me through the years.
It was not all about work, about providing for my needs and about sacrificing himself for our future.
There are three events in particular that have stayed closed to my heart.
1. I must have been 7 or 8 only and we were painting the apartment. The nice TV, shipped from Hong Kong, was moved to my bedroom for a while. I was told not to touch it. But curiosity won over and I touched the "ON" button. Nothing happened and I really thought it would be cool to watch TV in my bedroom so I plugged the TV. And then, something bad happened. I knew it was bad. I kept quiet for a while but truth can never be hidden. Eventually mom and dad found out and when mom found out, I discovered that the TV needed a HUGE box called a transformer in order for it to work. I had broken the TV.
I cried, and pleaded for forgiveness. I knew what the consequences would be.
All this time dad stood silent. He seemed sad, but didn't yell at me. I think his quietness made me feel even worse.
Then the unthinkable. He asked if I could change because he was taking me out to find the pieces to repair the TV.
Mom was speechless - well, not really - she asked dad why would I 'reward' me with an outing and not punish me.
I ended up spending a day with dad, a rare thing in those days. I ended up asking him to forgive me. He not only chose to forgive, he showed me how much he loved me regardless of what I do. What his actions taught me for the years to come was that there is nothing I could ever do, I could rest assured dad would always be there. I felt I didn't deserve the treatment he gave me...but I also accepted it and enjoyed spending that day with him.
How much does dad love me? He loves me so much he will love me even when I make countless mistakes.
2. Many years passed and I was spending the summer with my parents. Out of the blue dad invites me for lunch. My ASIAN parent asked me out on a daddy-daughter date. That was unheard of. I was actually so scared. I don't remember where we went but I remember clearly what he said to me. He told me not to worry about him and mom now that I was about to finish college. He told me they had saved enough money. He told me to not carry the weight of having to care for them.
How much does dad love me? He loves me so much he was willing to let me go - go free.
3. And finally, when I was finishing my Master's degree. One day I received a rare letter from my dad, one of only a handful in my life. I don't remember everything he said but I remember one thing clearly. I can still even picture his handwriting: "Sandy, I am so proud of you"
Every one of those words pierced into the deepest parts of my soul.
How much does dad love me? He loves me so much he is proud of me.
Dad, on this Father's Day I honor you.
Thank you for being patient with me and showing me what love was when you took me with you to fix the TV I had broken.
Thank you for taking the initiative to take me out and let me go - I know that though you are not wealthy in human terms, you said what you said so I would not have to carry the weight of caring for you. I know that you wanted me to go and reach my dreams.
Thank you for letting me know you notice me. That you see what I do. That you know me and you know how much I need to hear that you are proud of me.
Dad, I love you very much, and you taught me so much. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for listening to my grumbling when I had no maturity to see that all along you were loving me. Thank you for trusting in God to open my eyes to see what love truly is.
On this Father's Day I want you to know ...
I LOVE YOU and I AM SO PROUD to be called your daughter!
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