The day the world changed

 I woke up as I always do, in my basement suite, in Vancouver, and headed to get ready for another day at work downtown.  It was a nice day; the skies were blue and I was enjoying living in Vancouver and not needing to commute every day from Langley.  As usual, I turned on the TV and started to get breakfast ready.  My go-to show was always the news.  But something was amiss this morning.  There were breaking news in all the channels.  Was it another hit and run? or an earthquake or hurricane? or perhaps a coup in some country?

What I saw instead was a picture of grey smoke in a blue sky backdrop.  My mind couldn't quite understand what I was seeing; it took me a while to really comprehend the repercussions of what I was seeing.  The anchors kept saying "the World Trade tower" and "New York City"; I knew these words had something to do with me; but from the TV, everything just felt fake, far, and foreign.

Then it hit me...and panic set in.  My heart beated 100 times faster. Blood rushed towards my brain and the next few things I did, I did it all without much thought:  I dialed my cordless phone to my parents in Peru first.  Why did I call mom first? I do not know.  I suppose whenever crisis hits, your instinct is to call home.

Mom answered and was overjoyed; after all, I did not call often.  I then simply said to her "Have you heard?" in my broken Cantonese.  I remember skipping all the greeting conventions and interrupting her cheerful smiley voice and simply hurried to command her:  "Turn the TV on, mom!"

I don't remember what else I said but the phone call had not real purpose.  What could mom do in Peru by watching TV?  "Pray...I don't know where he is.  I'm going to try to call him"

I then hung up.

I spent the next few minutes trying to call him.  The person I had been dating for 9 years and the only person I call often.  No one was picking up.  And with every call, my heart sank deeper and my world got darker and darker.

It makes absolutely no sense now but I decided I could not stay and continue watching TV so I finished dressing up and went to work.  I remember feeling like it was all a dazed.  My boss knew what I was worried about:  he worked in NYC and he often had breakfast at the World Trade Centre.  His office was within a couple of blocks from the Twin Towers ... the ones that just collapsed because two airplanes had just collided into them.

As the days progressed, things seemed to get worse.  The Pentagon was hit and there were rumours of more planes.  Meanwhile, nothing from him.  

    Dial tone.

            Dial

                Busy signal.

Over and over again.

It was almost lunch time, and I tried to call his home again, trying to somehow get his mother on the other side so that she could reassured me he had not gone to town this morning.  And then...

        Dial tone.

                Dial.

                         A   Ringing tone!

His mother had finally picked up.  

"Has he called you? Is he ok?"

I did not have the strength to ask "was he there?"

She said that things were chaotic and that she had not heard from him.  Her husband had driven into the city with him that morning, as they always do, and had dropped him off around Chinatown, as usual.  From there, he usually walks to work downtown and sometimes would stop by the WTC for breakfast.

The same WTC that was no more now.

Did he go to the WTC for breakfast this morning?

Did he go early enough to have escaped or was he trapped in the concourse?

My heart sank.  My mind could not think.  My lungs seemed to stop breathing. It probably looked pretty bad; bad enough that my boss 'ordered' me to go home.  There was no use in me being there.

I remember the ride on the Sky Train back.  Everything seemed so normal and yet so strange.  The ride was smooth and nice (off peak hours) and yet I felt like I was riding back to nothingness.  The bright day was juxtaposed to the grimness in my heart; it didn't seem fair to be in such a nice ride, under such blue skies when possibly thousands of people were in complete despair.

Surreal

Will he ever call back???

What will I do without him???

Any doubts I had that year on whether he was 'the one' vanished in the span of a few hours and I found myself telling God "please save him; I can't live without him"

The entire rest of the afternoon was a blur.  I don't remember if I ate or slept; I just remember watching TV and waiting for a phone call.

**************

He, as you might be able to tell, is now my husband, and yes, he was in NYC on September 11, 2001.  He was there when the Twin Towers collapsed and our world changed forever.

This is a recount of what he experienced, as I remember it.

Stephen had gone to work into town with his stepdad as usual; early in the morning.  He remembers it being a very nice day.  Clear blue skies, crisp air.  He even noticed it so much that he told his stepdad how wonderful the day was.  "There was not a single cloud on the sky" 

He was dropped off downtown as usual and he had NOT gone to the WTC for breakfast that morning.  Instead, he had gone into his office directly.

There was supposed to be a team meeting that morning.  Shortly before the meeting, a bang was heard.  This was NYC and you learn to ignore the weird.  But there was something different about this one.  Even then, people continued to work and mind their own business.  Then another bang.  And shortly after, smoke could be seen from the windows looking out.  "What's going on?"

Stephen's manager listened to her sixth sense.  Their CEO was still at his desk, working, when she made the decision to take her team and say "let's get out of here; something's not right"

So she takes her team, Stephen included, and decide to head downstairs and out of the building.  Even then, they had no idea what was truly happening.  Everything was happening fast too.  Now what?  They decide to walk towards Brooklyn Bridge, a few blocks away, and head OUT of the city.  Why? I will never know, but am thankful they did.  Even as they were leaving, Stephen remembers his CEO stayed behind to continue working.

As they turned around from Canal St and into the entrance of the Bridge a cloud of smoke begins to move towards them.  Later, they would realize that was the debris from the collapse of the second tower but at the time it was just a sea of people walking aimlessly out of the city, followed by a cloud of dust and white thing.  When it had passed, Stephen recounts being completely covered in 'white' from head to toe.

9/11 Memorial

There were rumours of an attack and there were rumours of more to come so everyone tried to cross the bridge as fast possible.  Slowly, 'bridge' meant 'danger'

Thankfully one of the coworkers lived near the bridge, on the Brooklyn side, so the small team decides to rest there.  And once at the apartment, they began to slowly understand the magnitude of what had just happened and how close they were to tragedy.  But now, what now?  There were rumours of more attacks and it was illogical to stay at this apartment.  Stephen decided to try to head back into town, go midtown and try to catch the buses to New Jersey to go home.

He eventually made it to midtown and to Penn Station.  Most subway lines were shut and for the first time, Stephen saw the kinder side of New Yorkers.  People helping each other.  People stopped to notice and help.

Eventually Stephen would catch a bus to take him to the George Washington Bridge.  But once there, the bus could not go any further.  By now the government had shut down all transportation in bridges.  There was a real sense that another attack might target the bridge so people were not allowed to freely walk across.

Instead, there were buses going back and forth taking people and Stephen remembered seeing private vehicles taking other people along as well.  The world had changed and no longer were people too busy minding their own business and instead a kinder gentler side of NYC surfaced.

Eventually Stephen would make it across the bridge.  Eventually, he would find a pay phone on the other side of the bridge to be able to call his mom to come pick him up.  Eventually....

****

It's early evening in Vancouver and for the first time, good news.  Stephen's mom calls and tells me she has finally heard from Stephen and was on the way to pick him up.

My mind did not know how to process this news, but good news is good news.

It would not be until almost midnight my time, that Stephen would call.  I still remember the call; not what was said, but hearing his voice.  How funny it sounded.  I had yearned and feared for 12 hours and now here he was.  He was safe.  He was home.

He told me he was covered in dust and that he looked 'white' -- that is all I remember.  So I recall telling him to go wash up and rest.  There would be more time to talk the next morning.  

The next morning, the first thing Stephen did was to go get a new cell phone.

****

All downtown would stay close for another 3 months minimum.  I remember him telling me that the first time back, what he remembered the most was the 'smell of death'

Do you know what death smells like?  Intensify it thousand-fold.

"It was horrible," - he recalls.  Everyone had gone through so much trauma, lost someone who knew someone at the tower.  Everyone was nervous, and in a way, would continue to stay nervous for years.  A few months after, he recalls a coworker wearing an industrial mask and panicking when the building's fire alarm turned on.  It turned out to be nothing, of course, but a little siren can rattle anyone in the city now.

****

Two years later...TWO FULL YEARS LATER...we experience the Northeast Blackout in August 2003.  I was landing in Newark when it happened and remember how, as I entered the airport, seeing, feeling and hearing the fear everyone had.  "We are unders attack" - was what I heard over and over.  People were scared and wanted to get out of the airport, fearing that the attack was going to be at the airport. (I will recount the blackout another day, in another blog)

The fear, the trauma.  Time may heal some but somethings are never forgotten

***

Not only did the world change after Sep 11, 2001, but our world change.  Life trauma has a way to impact you; to give you perspective.  It may be cliche, but after 9/11, I knew Stephen was the one.

The Twin Towers, view from the NJ side

Tomorrow will be the 20th anniversary of 9/11.  Twenty years and yet, when I recall the experiences, rewatch the documentaries and images and remember the sounds on that day, it does not seem like 20 years had passed.

They say "Lest we forget"

Can we ever forget?  I think not.