Pause and See what God has done
A year ago if you had told me that my son would have attended not one but two youth camps in the span of 5 months I would have said you were crazy.
Yet, that is what has happened.
I've been praying all 2016 and 2017 for him. Knowing that major changes and transitions were on the horizon (aka puberty, High School, adolescence, etc) I think I knelt down to earnestly pray because, let's be honest, I really didn't believe he was going to be OK
I was worried about him fitting in. I was worried about him being able to compromise. I was worried he was not developing team building skills. I was worried about him controlling his feelings. I was worried he didn't seem to aspire challenge. I was worried he was too content with life.
Now looking back, all these things that I was 'worried' about were in a way a reflection on layers deep inside me that God wanted to peel off me. The issues I've discovered this last year was not so much that there issues I said I worried about were wrong, but that in singling those things out God helped me see where my own fears and value system lay and where His were.
I prayed for God to give me faith to believe. At the darkest times, I felt like I had failed. And as I was willing to let God take me deeper, the hurt was deep -- I fear rejection from failure...that's why it ached so much to think that my children might face struggles.
I prayed and told God with the little faith I had, I committed our lives and futures to Him. Acknowledging this was scary - seeing how little control we really have on life - but at the same time freeing.
I did not rely on my feelings or on what I was seeing in the present to commit ourselves to Him. I just CHOSE to say YES LORD...in tears? yes, in pain? yes; with doubt? yes...but I chose to trust In Him
And then September came and my son told me that he would like to join Youth Camp. This is my son; someone who had never spent the night away from us. Someone who struggled in new environments and someone who still needed music, a nightlight and hallway lights at night.
But he wanted to go, and was so excited
Deep inside me? Fear...and Pessimism
He came home and shared the great experience he had. He shared the challenges he chose to face and those he chose not to participate in. He shared his challenge (fear of the night) and what happened there. And he shared what he learned about God.
Life continued on, and I didn't pay much attention....until a few weeks ago when in one of our chats he shares with me that he was happy. He shares that he has rediscovered how to recognize God's voice.
I noted what he said with curiosity. Most people would say "I'm learning to pray" or "I am learning to talk to God"
He said, "I can RECOGNIZE God's voice"
Doesn't it cause you to pause and think?????
Out of my curiosity, I continued asking: "Really? how does he sound?"
He matter-of-factly responds: "I just hear him, and then I just follow what He tells me to do. I'm so glad I can do that now...and fellowship (Friday night Youth group) has helped me understand God more"
And remember his 'challenge' at Youth Camp? He comes up with a plan to face that challenge in preparation for January's Youth Camp. I would help him by dimming the night light a tad more every week, lowering the music a tad more every week and closing his bedroom door a tad more every week until he could go to bed, alone, in the dark, in the quiet and with the doors closed.
And so he did!
He just came home this past weekend and from all accounts, he did well. He faced challenges, he learned, he had fun.
And while he was gone, God spoke to me.
I realized....I was living in the midst of answered prayers.
This was designed to build my faith...
And I began to see MORE than the surface.
I realized that because he's had to face so many challenges, one being that he has never had a 'best buddy', his challenge was NEVER about wishing his friends would go with him.
Because of the 'challenges' he had, this was NEVER an issue for him. I realize then, in concrete ways, that what seemed to be obstacles for him, can because advantages too. I realize that he doesn't sweat over the same 'typical' issues my daughter faces now about self image, friends, cliques, etc.
He is growing and I have to pinch myself sometimes to PAUSE and TAKE NOTE of exactly HOW he is growing. He is learning many things, but because of his early challenges he also knows who he is, what he likes and dislikes and is able to stand up and be unique.
I thank God for him...because of my son, I am learning to see that it is actually easier, in a way, to spot the challenges and the blessings....when we just fit in...when we are just 'normal' (whatever that means!) we MISS OUT. We don't pause. And for sure we SEE LESS at the moment.
Parenting, this week I learned, isn't only about PREPARING them for the FUTURE. It is being willing to be honest about the PAST and the DREAMS. It is HUMBLING ourselves to God. It is NOT chasing a distant dream of what we hope our kids will become, but of asking ourselves what kind of human beings our kids are TODAY, and being willing to PAUSE, FEEL, REFLECT and RESPOND daily
The icing on the cake?
He shares with me that he is amazed that God has answered "so many of my prayers" this year. We chat and we share how amaze we both are. And we agree....it's time to pause and give thanks to God.
If you've ever felt inadequate, fearful, hopeless...let me encourage you. Put your trust in God...with the little faith you have, submit to Him. He WILL answer. Choose to let Him take the reign. Choose to remember that answering doesn't mean "fixing" it your way, because, honestly, our baggage and mess is so heavy what we see isn't always all there is.
Every day we face new challenges, but this Pause and Reflexion is fuel to continue letting God peel away my past and fears so that I may trust Him more, and journey with Him to new places. And to always, always, RECOGNIZE His voice.
PS: If you are wondering, I asked my son for permission to share this and he gave me a definite "yes"...it gave us a chance to talk about the value on sharing to affirm and encourage others!!!!
Yet, that is what has happened.
I've been praying all 2016 and 2017 for him. Knowing that major changes and transitions were on the horizon (aka puberty, High School, adolescence, etc) I think I knelt down to earnestly pray because, let's be honest, I really didn't believe he was going to be OK
I was worried about him fitting in. I was worried about him being able to compromise. I was worried he was not developing team building skills. I was worried about him controlling his feelings. I was worried he didn't seem to aspire challenge. I was worried he was too content with life.
Now looking back, all these things that I was 'worried' about were in a way a reflection on layers deep inside me that God wanted to peel off me. The issues I've discovered this last year was not so much that there issues I said I worried about were wrong, but that in singling those things out God helped me see where my own fears and value system lay and where His were.
I prayed for God to give me faith to believe. At the darkest times, I felt like I had failed. And as I was willing to let God take me deeper, the hurt was deep -- I fear rejection from failure...that's why it ached so much to think that my children might face struggles.
I prayed and told God with the little faith I had, I committed our lives and futures to Him. Acknowledging this was scary - seeing how little control we really have on life - but at the same time freeing.
I did not rely on my feelings or on what I was seeing in the present to commit ourselves to Him. I just CHOSE to say YES LORD...in tears? yes, in pain? yes; with doubt? yes...but I chose to trust In Him
And then September came and my son told me that he would like to join Youth Camp. This is my son; someone who had never spent the night away from us. Someone who struggled in new environments and someone who still needed music, a nightlight and hallway lights at night.
But he wanted to go, and was so excited
Deep inside me? Fear...and Pessimism
He came home and shared the great experience he had. He shared the challenges he chose to face and those he chose not to participate in. He shared his challenge (fear of the night) and what happened there. And he shared what he learned about God.
Life continued on, and I didn't pay much attention....until a few weeks ago when in one of our chats he shares with me that he was happy. He shares that he has rediscovered how to recognize God's voice.
I noted what he said with curiosity. Most people would say "I'm learning to pray" or "I am learning to talk to God"
He said, "I can RECOGNIZE God's voice"
Doesn't it cause you to pause and think?????
Out of my curiosity, I continued asking: "Really? how does he sound?"
He matter-of-factly responds: "I just hear him, and then I just follow what He tells me to do. I'm so glad I can do that now...and fellowship (Friday night Youth group) has helped me understand God more"
And remember his 'challenge' at Youth Camp? He comes up with a plan to face that challenge in preparation for January's Youth Camp. I would help him by dimming the night light a tad more every week, lowering the music a tad more every week and closing his bedroom door a tad more every week until he could go to bed, alone, in the dark, in the quiet and with the doors closed.
And so he did!
He just came home this past weekend and from all accounts, he did well. He faced challenges, he learned, he had fun.
And while he was gone, God spoke to me.
I realized....I was living in the midst of answered prayers.
This was designed to build my faith...
And I began to see MORE than the surface.
I realized that because he's had to face so many challenges, one being that he has never had a 'best buddy', his challenge was NEVER about wishing his friends would go with him.
Because of the 'challenges' he had, this was NEVER an issue for him. I realize then, in concrete ways, that what seemed to be obstacles for him, can because advantages too. I realize that he doesn't sweat over the same 'typical' issues my daughter faces now about self image, friends, cliques, etc.
He is growing and I have to pinch myself sometimes to PAUSE and TAKE NOTE of exactly HOW he is growing. He is learning many things, but because of his early challenges he also knows who he is, what he likes and dislikes and is able to stand up and be unique.
I thank God for him...because of my son, I am learning to see that it is actually easier, in a way, to spot the challenges and the blessings....when we just fit in...when we are just 'normal' (whatever that means!) we MISS OUT. We don't pause. And for sure we SEE LESS at the moment.
Parenting, this week I learned, isn't only about PREPARING them for the FUTURE. It is being willing to be honest about the PAST and the DREAMS. It is HUMBLING ourselves to God. It is NOT chasing a distant dream of what we hope our kids will become, but of asking ourselves what kind of human beings our kids are TODAY, and being willing to PAUSE, FEEL, REFLECT and RESPOND daily
The icing on the cake?
He shares with me that he is amazed that God has answered "so many of my prayers" this year. We chat and we share how amaze we both are. And we agree....it's time to pause and give thanks to God.
If you've ever felt inadequate, fearful, hopeless...let me encourage you. Put your trust in God...with the little faith you have, submit to Him. He WILL answer. Choose to let Him take the reign. Choose to remember that answering doesn't mean "fixing" it your way, because, honestly, our baggage and mess is so heavy what we see isn't always all there is.
Every day we face new challenges, but this Pause and Reflexion is fuel to continue letting God peel away my past and fears so that I may trust Him more, and journey with Him to new places. And to always, always, RECOGNIZE His voice.
PS: If you are wondering, I asked my son for permission to share this and he gave me a definite "yes"...it gave us a chance to talk about the value on sharing to affirm and encourage others!!!!
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