Three seconds

Everyone wants to feel they matter.

Right?

I've been feeling quite down in the last month.  Up and down, up and down.

And I was getting tired of sharing with people.  I got tired of feeling like I'm the only one who struggles.  I know that is not true, and people even share with me how much they are encouraged when they hear people like me (cause I'm not the only one) share because it reminds us all that we are never alone.

But after a while...it can very easily feel like you are always the one who "doesn't have it all together"

And soon after, you begin to feel like people care out of sympathy rather than love.

                   Would they care if you didn't say anything?
                Would they care even when you don't really have a crisis?

So, I stopped sharing; or I tried to.  I stopped not because I had it together, but because I was tired of being the only one (or so it seemed to me).   I didn't want to feel like the weaker one anymore....but it was a facade, because, after all, I knew that behind the smiles I was struggling to stay standing.

I was feeling alone in a sea of people around me.  The loneliest of loneliness.  When you are surrounded with humanity and yet feel utterly unseen

So many people around me say "let us know what you need"  So many say "we want to help"

  I say it myself all the time

But how many of us take the initiative, not to help, but to cry out loud "HELP!" when we are in our pits?  How many of us willingly embrace being the weaker one and letting others know that we are NOT doing well?  That we don't have it all together?  That we don't know what we really need and that we just want to be heart?

Or, even if you are able to get up, perhaps sharing life in the pits will help others know they aren't alone?

Or, is it really true that I'm one of the few and it's best to just leave people alone?

I think not.

You see, sometimes I share not because I want people to fix me, help me or take over my problems.

I just want to be reminded that I'm not alone.  

That there are others in the world who hear me and get me.

People who GET ME

But sitting and waiting for 'hurt' people to come to us so we can 'help' can't be the whole picture.

And neither is sitting and waiting for 'fixers' to come to us so we have proof that someone cares.

Do I reach out and Am I reachable?

Do I share my weaknesses and do I receive help willingly?

Do I share my pits even when I am "managing" and just share
because that is part of connecting with others? Or,
do I only share after I tried everything else in the world?

***********************************

So on Thursday, I was in one of my pits (don't we all have those?).  I saw a friend I hadn't seen for ages and part of me wanted to run to her and say hello when I saw her at the kids' school.  The other part of me refused to move.

So I did nothing.  I sat there, crossed armed.

Then it was time to go home and as I left the room where we were, I hear a big "Sandy!!!!!" It was my friend.  I looked up, and there she was walking towards me, hands outstretched, smiling from ear to ear, eyes locked at me.

We hugged...probably for no more than 3 seconds, but it felt like an eternity.   It was a tight I-see-you I-miss-you type of hug.

We exchanged no more than a few words and promised to reconnect.

But Something magical had happened in those 3 seconds.  And I couldn't understand what had just happened.

The kids in bed, the house quiet, I can't hold it anymore and I run into the guest room to find some privacy....because I really didn't understand what was happening to me.

I sobbed...sobbed and sobbed more.  I was happy.  I was sad.  I was frustrated.  I was clear-headed.  I was a mixture of everything.

And as I prayed...God showed me much more and much love through all this.  (because there is ALWAYS a purpose and God is ALWAYS faithful!)

The next morning I texted my friend thanking her for her hug (see? I can't help it...if you feel a certain way, why would you withhold sharing that joy or pain with the person you are feeling that emotion?).  Funny enough, she wrote me back almost at the same time to say "I felt the same way!"

What DID just happened?  What was it in her hug that touched me so much?

I get it now.

In a three-second hug,

Someone SAW me

Someone CAME to me

Someone CALLED me by name

Someone TOUCHED me

Someone TOLD me (not in words for words do not matter as much) they CARED for me

Someone REACHED out

That was enough. I needed the hug...and perhaps she needed it too.

The world needs more hugs.

The world needs more people to stop saying they care and start seeing people, listening to people and letting themselves become vulnerable.

The world needs more people willing to say they aren't doing well and being willing to accept help and grace from others

The world needs more people willing to let others know they see them

A hug.  Such a simple thing.  Such a powerful thing.

A REAL hug

She saw me

I saw her

She gets me

I get her

Go hug someone like you mean it this week.

PS:  Am I sill feeling in the pits?  In some ways yes.  But that is what makes life interesting.  That is what reminds me of my human-ity.  That is where I realign myself with God.  That is where I rejoice in the fact that I am not alone in this world.

Pits or no Pits...I will keep on hugging.....
and letting people hug me!!!